I’m 19F. For context, I still live at my mom’s with my 6 year old sister. My mom requires me to pay her 150€ a month to live here, she says. But I usually end up paying 500 or so for whenever I groceries for her, or pay for things she needs. She has a job but idk why it’s not enough. We live in a good country (the Netherlands). She has a partner she’s marrying in June 2026 and moving in with an leaving me behind which is another thing. She’s at his place w my lil sister 3/4 days a week so im also alone a lot at home.
I had a job from 2023 til last month (nov 2025). I quit because of some personal issues, and I didn’t have any savings because I had a personal issue I had to spend a lot of money on.
For this past month I’ve been watching my sister every single day my mom works, which is 4 days a week, 2PM til 9PM. My grandparents usually did, but they’re both not feeling too good and grandma is hospitalized, and I don’t want them to have to do it. This is also a reason I didn’t immediately get a new job. My mom basically forced it upon me anyways tho. I also do the cooking 4 days a week, groceries everyday, cleaning everyday and whatnot.
Now, for this month, I didn’t pay her the money because I don’t work, so I couldn’t.
I told her I could pay her double in January because I got a job lined up starting January 4th. She was extremely mad about it. Said she’s now in financial ruins. Is trying to get me to pull out a loan w my bank. Said she’s forced to borrow from my grandparents now.
I told her ive been watching my sister almost everyday, which, if i had a job couldn’t do and she couldn’t get ANYONE else to watch her (theres literally no one else that can do it, literally). She said that doesnt count.
She always brags about how much money her boyfriend makes and how much stuff he gets for her. I told her she should have borrowed from him given theyre marrying and if theyre marrying, how would he allow her to be ‘broke’? But days she doesn’t want to borrow from him for whatever reason. Even tho she is moving in with him and he is able to get her expensive gifts and dinners every week.
Now she is ignoring me , except for sending me links for money requests every day.
AITA here?? I feel like I do so much and this should not be an issue.
You are NTA. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. She is not your landlord, she’s your mother and should provide some understanding without handing you all of her responsibilities. Obviously, there’s only so much I can know about this situation to form an opinion but you all around seem pretty responsible for your age. Her anger doesn’t make much sense to me.
Send her a bill/request for childcare and cooking.
NTA
It’s obvious your mother has financial problems she’s not being 100% honest about with you. I suspect she’s not being honest with her fiancé either, and that’s why she doesn’t want to ask him for money.
No bank will give you a loan without a source of income, which she should also be aware of.
Is it possible for you to go live with your grandparents in exchange for helping with their care?
Right. Your mom is the adult (I know, technically, you are too), but she’s the ADULT adult, and she’s so broke 150 Euro will “financially ruin” her?
How does she expect you to have money if you aren’t working?
How does she think this works?
I don’t know about Netherlands banks, but in the US a bank won’t loan you any money if you don’t have a job, so you probably won’t be able to get the loan she’s asking you to get. If she needs money so badly, SHE should get a loan, not you!
NTA.
NTA- You are providing over 100 hours of free childcare and housekeeping a month, which is worth far more than the €150 she is asking for. If you weren’t there, she would have to pay a lot more for a nanny and a cleaner.
It is unfair for her to demand money you don’t have while you are essentially working for her for free. Do not take out a loan; that is an extreme and unreasonable request for a parent to make of their teenager. You are doing your part, and she is taking advantage of your labor.
NTA and you’re clearly being exploited. Your mother *might* love you but she obviously loves money more and is not embarrassed to bully you for it. I would start researching alternative accommodation, jobs and resources. I realise that it’s hard to stand up to your parent, given that you’re only 19 and clearly in a not great financial situation. You will need to start looking at alternatives. It’s not something that can happen overnight but you do need to get started. Good luck.
NTA. Your mother sure is, though.
Your mother is a taker. Takers take, it’s what they do.
If you charged her for your time as the live-in nanny, you’d be making a lot more than the 650€ you’ve been giving her. She’s taking advantage of you.
Get your job, work it hard. Save everything you can so you can support yourself because your mom won’t.
WTF? She’s sounds manipulative and immature. She’s parentifying you. The bit about coercing you to take out a loan is particularly upsetting. Definitely NTA.
NTA. Okay I’ll need some extra context here, because if you have just been given here past what she says you owe for months then she has even less right to complain about this than she would otherwise. Even if you don’t do extra just to be nice and there’s no agreement anywhere about this it is unreasonable for her to be this bent out of shape about it. Especially when you gave a very clear repayment plan option.
I do extra because it just ends up happening in a sense. She’ll ask me to do groceries when she’s at work and it’s always a lot, and i pay out of pocket and she doesn’t offer to pay back and if I ask she just brushes it off. Same W like clothes for my sister or stuff like that
NTA
Absolutely *do not* take out a loan on her behalf.
Get a job and move out ASAP.
NTA. You paid your rent by taking care of your sister
NTA
NTA. But you need to get out of there. She wants to treat you like a renter but if thats the case you would only be paying your agreed amount for rent and buying the things you need. But shes making you pay for way more than just you. She wont borrow money from her soon to be husband but will from her daughter? Thats crazy. Your providing free childcare care and she says that doesnt count? Fine then. Say that you are going to work this week and she meeds to find someone to watch your sister. Even if its not true. Watch her scramble and complain about how much a baby sitter is. Leave the house and find an interum job. And honestly you need to find a cheap apartment and a room mate and Get out and away from her. You dont have any savings because your mother isnt allowing you to save. If shes in financial ruins because you cant pay her then shes living way above her means and needs to figure it tf out. Also shes leaving. Shes just gunna leave you high and dry with no where to live and no savings??? Pay your agreed amount $150 and NOTHING ELSE unless its your own groceries. Save enough for an apartment and find a room mate. Get OUT.
Your NTA but your mother is . She is gunna take and take and take from you until you have nothing and then leave you to rot. Honestly see if your grandparents will let you move in temporarily in exchange for taking care of there home and cooking so you can save quicker.
Your mom does not care about your future and needs. She sounds like a very selfish ungrateful person and you need to prioritize yourself.
If you cant start that job sooner then go see if anyone needs babysitting in the interum, dog walking, house cleaning, i also around the holidays get payed by older neighbors and family to wrap their presents for them.