Every year my parents give my siblings kids better gifts because according to them my kids have everything they want and need which is true but my kids still feel upset and feel like their cousins are favored. I will never ask someone for more gifts or money and if I want to provide something for my kids, I do it myself.
So this year we wanted to buy scooters for the kids and figured we could pretend its a gift from my parents.
My parents however refuse to give them to my kids saying the gifts they bought for other kids isnt as nice. This wasnt a problem when MY kids were the ones getting less nice gifts though.
I dont see why this is such a problem. I mean im not taking anything away from the other kids. They think we are assholes and it will make others jealous.
Soft ESH but you are *only* an AH for wanting to pretend the gifts are from your parents. You are never TA for buying nice things for your own kids.
Your parents are obviously TA for giving preferential treatment to your siblings kids. They don’t have to buy nice gifts for anyone, but choosing to get something nicer for some kids and not for the others is not fair at all to the kids.
Interesting values you’re teaching your children. YTA. Obviously.
Just give them yourself?
Buy your kids scooters and make them from you. If the situation really is that your siblings can’t afford to give their kids things as nice as you can give yours just explain to your kids that. Don’t try to lie and make excuses. Kids understand more than we give them credit for.
ESH. I get where you’re coming from, but don’t pretend the gifts are from your parents. Just give them to your kids yourself.
Just give the kids the scooters from you. You’re escalating the situation by trying to claim that your parents bought them so they’ll have better gifts than their cousins on Christmas. YWBTA for intentionally trying to hurt the other kids. If they have less than your kids in everyday life – you can have that conversation with your own kids privately and move on.
I don’t feel comfortable saying who is the asshole here based on the information presented and how one sided it is, but buying presents and pretending they are from someone else only really makes sense if the other entity is santa or a family pet.
If you can provide more for your family than your siblings can I’d understand that your parents may wish to ensure your siblings’ kids would be able to also enjoy the most of what they can financially contribute with to help balance those scales. It’s not the fault of the child to be born to lesser financial wealth. However that kind of difference in treatment is also directly harmful to their relationship with your kids.
It’s difficult but I’d suspect they mean well even if it may end up in an undesirable result too.
ESH- you need to just explain to your kids, who are apparently old enough to understand value differences, that your family is a little more blessed to be able to get them extra gifts that the cousins don’t always receive. You can’t control your parents and it’s fair to say “it would be easier on the kids if it was even”, but can’t make them make it even. Your parents suck for giving extra in front of the kids as this could be done totally separately.
My parents favour my brothers kids. Does it bother my kids? No because I dont teach them to compare their gifts with others. YTA because your kids and 9 and 4, you say this has been going on for years… a 4 year old wouldn’t understand and a 9 year old would only care, if you made it an issue over the years so now they pick up on it
Not necessarily. My mamaw would always get my cousins nicer things than we got. We were the same age and I definitely noticed that they got perfume and a CD they wanted vs me getting a Quasimodo & gargoyle character set. I didn’t even *like* that movie and at 11 you don’t want baby toys when your cousins get more expensive & more “adult” gifts.
When you’re a kid it’s hard to understand. In your mind they “love” the other child more because they got them this really cool thing or they got more presents and you didn’t. Even if it was explained to them, at that age you are still going to be hurt by it and find it “unfair” even if you don’t say it out loud anymore.
YTA. You’re inserting yourself unnecessarily. I get that your intentions are good, but your parents see the situation from a different perspective. Your parents are good with their gifts, leave it alone. If your kids feel like their cousins are being favored, it’s your job to teach them about compassion.
Soft YTA – it’s not cool to lie to your kids over something like this. And not necessary.
It isn’t fair that your parents show favouritism to the other GKids. It does hurt your children.
So then it’s up to you to NOT subject your kids to being in a situation where they open gifts from your parents at the same time as the cousins do. That’s all. It doesn’t have to be a fight. Just meet with them on a different day.
Because if it was about the other gkids having ‘less’ they could spend that extra money on them the whole rest of the year. But to do it right under your kids noses? Pure assholery.
YTA, not softly, but boldly.
This is a good time to explain to your kids the dynamics they will face in life. That you guys have all you could want and then some. Instead of sitting down and explaining why some people might over compensate with gifts for some children you decided to try and one up the gifts. I hope your kids don’t grow up too greedy and entitled
YTA for trying to lie about the scooters being a gift from the grandparents. Can you give us an example of last years Christmas gifts? What did they give your nieces, nephews and your kids?