I (17F) live with my parents. My mother has always been very strict about cleanliness, and while I admit my bedroom is often messy, this has been a recurring source of conflict between us for years. I try to help around the house in other ways, but arguments about my room are frequent.
On the day of my graduation, my mom criticized me multiple times, including during the ceremony. After it ended, I thanked my family, took photos with them, and went to dinner with them instead of joining my friends.
Later that night, my boyfriend (17M) was at my house briefly while waiting for his phone to charge so he could order an Uber. I told my mom this beforehand. However, she came into the room and spoke harshly to him, calling him irresponsible and repeatedly telling him to leave immediately. This has happened before, even when he is already waiting for transportation.
I told her she was being rude to him. She responded by blaming me, bringing up my messy room again, accusing me of being ungrateful at my graduation, and saying hurtful things about me not contributing financially (I don’t work yet).
The next day was her birthday. Because I was still upset about how she spoke to my boyfriend and to me, I chose not to congratulate her and avoided interacting with her that day.
My question is whether ignoring her on her birthday because of this conflict makes me the asshole.
I know ignoring her wasn’t ideal, but at the time it felt like the only way to avoid another argument. AITA?