I’m feeling a bit guilty over this and just want someone to tell me if im the problem.
for a bit of context, my sister and I ended up starting the same year at the same uni and ended up in the same dorm building (im two years older, took a gap year) she came to me last week freaking out right before finals because she was failing all her classes, and she asked to stay in my room. i was tyding up after she left the morning after and i found her dab pen, and so I hid it. I knew she smoked weed and there’s no problem with it, but she had told me she thinks she fried her brian in highschool with how much she had smoked. later that night at like 11 she came back in, no longer freaking out about school, but she asked if I had seen the pen, and i said no. she then tore my room apart looking for it, and it worried me.
I still havent given it back, it’s still hiding. I would usually talk to my parents about this but they are heavily biased and it would be a problem she had it in the first place. I just want to know if i should just give it back, or if i’d be the asshole for keeping it hidden.
YTA. Talk to her about your concerns, don’t steal her stuff.
YTA. I understand your intentions here, but that’s not how you help someone with an addiction. The first rule of helping someone in active addiction is to keep _yourself_ out of the “bad guy” role.
1. You want them to see you as a _safe_ person that they can come to without judgement, criticism, or condemnation. If she finds out you were hiding something her brain is telling her she needs, it will take a _long_ time to regain that trust again.
2. People can’t look at themselves in the mirror if you’re standing there in their way. This is what I mean by the bad guy role. Justifications come very easily to people doing things they know are not ok. Don’t give them a reason to blame you instead of themselves.
Just tell her you found it, give it back, and tell her you’re there if and when she feels overwhelmed and needs someone to talk to.