My 24M girlfriend 23F booked a wine tasting as she had a gift card that was gonna expire soon. She booked this for valentines day near my home town. We live 9 hours away by train, and are full time students so money is tight. The weekend before this, my dad 47M has his birthday. Now my mom texted me something along the line of "shouldn’t you come visit the weekend before to celebrate your dad instead?".
So, AITAH for traveling home the weekend after my dad has his birthday?
I mean the obvious answer is to try to plan the wine tasting for the same weekend as your dad’s bday.
Or, if it cannot be, making time to see your dad as a belated bday celebration should also be acceptable; it would be if it were my kid.
What I think would be problematic is if you expected to visit your hometown, around your dad’s bday no less, and not even plan to see him/them. IDK if that’s what you and your GF were planning with the wine tasting originally but if you were my kid I’d be very sad and offended if he came so close to home, around my bday, and didn’t plan to see me.
He’s gonna be away valentine’s weekend which we didn’t know when gf booked the tasting, but before my mom texted me I was considering going to my hometown a couple days earlier than my gf so I could still celebrate him a little. But I think my mom thinks it’s important to come down on the specific birthday date. I seriously don’t want his feelings to get hurt, but I don’t want my girlfriend to feel bad for booking something the weekend after my dad’s birthday. She had good intentions with making it surprise valentine’s plans
I see, so this was booked for VDay, and now you’ve learned he won’t be available, and your mom is pressuring you to see him for his bday.
It’s early enough to find a solution. Going a few days early, before he leaves for the weekend, and before your Vday plans kick in, is one. Visiting him the weekend before his bday, which would presumably be 2 weeks before your Vday plan, is another.
EDIT: I also think combining them so that you have a Vday plan together that coincides with his bday should be considered. Just as you don’t NEED to see him ON his bday, you dont’ need to celebrate Vday on Feb 14 either. Maybe you see it as your mom pressuring you see him on his actual day but I suspect the bigger thing is that you’re taking a trip to their area at a time you WON’T get to see him for his bday.
The booking is difficult to move, the reason the gift card was close to expire is because it’s hard to get a free date. I could also travel down two weekends in a row, but that’s quite econimcally taxing as well as time consuming. But thanks for the insight nonetheless!
Lil early to give up on idea that you can make enough for train tickets no? Have we called the wine tasting place? Do they care if you asked to move it?
This seems too early to be an issue. NAH.
Try and get the wine tasting the same as your dads bday
Would be perfect
Yes that would be optimal, but it’s quite difficult to move. I’m gonna try to look further into it however, thanks for the insigth!
Do you see your parents regularly? If so, I say NTA. You’re well into adulthood and just because you’re traveling near family does not mean that you have to see them. It sounds like this is for a specific booked event, not just “I’d rather do this than see you” for an event that is truly flexible. Demanding celebration on the actual date of the birthday is a bit silly for adults, in my opinion.
If you never get a chance to see your family, then maybe this leans towards YTA but not enough details are available to truly judge.
YTA
Parents are more important.
I always go no matter how bad the timing is. You can plan to do both.
Nta you arexan adult and do not havevto follow mom’s command or requests. Why are birthdays such a big deal. Your time, your choice.
Tbh I (and my family) don’t put such an emphasis on a specific day- like, celebrate someone and a relationship when you can, don’t be restricted by a calendar. So to me, NTA.
You are going to see your parents when you can, and presumably will call your dad on his birthday.
I don’t know what your relationship is like, though 💁🏻♀️
And, having typed that out, I’m now thinking: you are specifically celebrating Valentine’s Day, which in my opinion is vastly less of a thing then a birthday (especially a parent’s birthday), so… there is an asshole colouring to it.
NTA. It sounds like your dad’s birthday is going to conflict with Valentine’s Day often. He and or your mother should understand that you may not be able to spend that specific day with him. You’re at an age where you’re not going to be able to necessarily spend the same holidays and birthdays that you would have when you were younger.
NTA
Maybe I’m broken, but it wouldn’t even occur to me to make a 9 hour trip for someone’s birthday. I definitely wouldn’t change other plans to do so.