I (15M) love plants and animals, and I grow a few plants, but my dad hates it, he always comes after me for every little thing I do, and says “I spend too much time watering them” and “They’re stupid, they aren’t going to put food on the table”. When I have my humidifier on, he comes in my room and turns it off, and when I get home, he yells at me on how there will be mold everywhere, even though I make sure it never exceeds 65% and my rooms has very good airflow, also I’ve never seen any of my walls become damp or anything, but he still refuses to listen to reason, and continues to say no. On top of that, I’ve started making my own money landscaping and helping my neighbors with their plants, but my dad still regulates everything I buy. Recently, I’ve been trying to buy more plants, because they’re harmless, and really cool, but my dad has just been saying no, and I don’t know what to do, usually he can concoct some reason to say now, but now he just says, it doesn’t matter, “No is no”, and he has no good reason, in fact recently, he’s been doing more and more, always saying I’m doing something wrong, like my right foot is just occasionally a bit to outwards, or, my hobbies are stupid, everyone is getting much better grades then you, you don’t do anything compared to others, Mind you I get straight A’s, and even won an over a thousand dollar grant for my school to do things with carnivorous plants. But whenever I bring any of that up, or even respond, he just blows up, and for some reason I can’t stop myself from crying. He also never keeps his word, and takes any money people give me. I want to know whether I’m being the “Rebellious teen” or have a right to be frustrated
Save your money. You can buy as many plants as you want when you move out.
NTA but you gotta live by his rules in his house
It’s worth talking to your father and asking why he feels this way about it. There are many agricultural plants that feed people, as well as medicinal herbs, and much, much more that brings significant income. It’s foolish to say that this won’t be able to support you. You should explain your position to your father—why and for what purpose you are doing this—and try to reach an agreement that suits both of you. A compromise. I wish you good luck
NTA
3yrs from now father posting why has my child went no contact
NTA. If your dad can’t even give you any reason, not worth to make his opinion count. He’s your dad, you’re a child and he still manages to be more immature than you.
My guess is that his only issue is that the hobby is “too feminine” (which is bs but how alot of adult fathers act like. Immature.)
You have every right to be frustrated. Also, never show or tell him about the money someone gives you. Hide it. You’re still 15, otherwise my advice would be to just get your own place as soon as possible. Unfortunaly for now you probably have to live with it. But not forever.
NTA. Your dad doesn’t like your hobby/interest, and unfortunately instead of being supportive, views you as an extension of himself, so is criticizing you and frustrated that you won’t just agree with his perspective.
Some men have very strange ideas about what is ‘masculine’ or not. For some, an interest in plants might be seen as a ‘girly’, never mind that growing things, bringing on plants etc. is basically agriculture on an ‘at home’ scale. When people have these silly ideas it can be near impossible to shift their view actively, you are often better to just plough ahead (pun intended) and do your own thing, and sometimes over time they forget the stupid reasons they didn’t like it in the first place.
NTA but I would recommend googling “(your city/metro area) + community garden” and see if there are any gardening groups or gardens where you could volunteer or get your own garden plot.
Talk to your guidance counselor for strategies about coping with your dad’s behavior, and have them start helping you build a plan for college.
Dads are weird.
Firstly, try to separate your money from him. If you earn money, hide it; if he has access to your bank account, try to find a way to remove it or make a new account.
As much as you love them, it’s probably not a good idea to expand your houseplant collection at this time. You need to be able to move them to your new place as soon as you are able to move out, university or otherwise.
As for the man himself, while it would be great to have a productive conversation with him, you will likely need another adult to advocate for you. He does not respect you; why would he listen now, when he hasn’t before? Ideally, you’d find someone he respects, but not admires. A peer, or an older relative, for example. You don’t want him to feel humiliated when they take your side. Yes, this is pandering to fragile masculinity, but these next few years will be hard enough regardless.
Remember, this is *his* problem, not yours.
NTA but it doesn’t sound like its about the plants. Your dad seems to have his own unresolved issues that have nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, you’re likely to just have to bide your time until you can get out from under his thumb.
As a teenager, I too had houseplants and a garden. I wound up making a career in horticulture. Never was going to get rich, but I supported my family for over 40 years.
Unfortunately, you are a minor and have to live in your father’s house, and therefore follow his rules. As others have said, don’t report your income to your dad, especially if you are getting cash. Do you have grandparents or other trustworthy relatives who can help you set up a separate and hidden bank account?
You might let him know that some orchids and Bonsai trees sell for hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars. A very good living could be had with the training you are doing now.
NTA, this sounds rough, and I’m so sorry your dad is treating you this way. You should be able to keep the money you make and that you get from other people. Is there a safe space you can leave those earnings/gifts so your dad can’t access them?
Also, I really liked another commenter’s suggestion of finding community garden space. You could possibly also cultivate plants at a place that would appreciate having them – maybe a nursing facility or a community center – so you can spend time on something you enjoy out of your dad’s house. Good luck, OP.
Listen kid, can I call you kid? although you’re only a few years from 18, your dad is a bullying power tripping asshole. That’s it. There’s no need to get deeper and figure out his ticks. He picks on you because he’s unhappy with himself and you’re an easy target. Try to keep your money from him, hide it or keep it with a grandparent maybe? And plan your escape for 18. Hes never going to change. He can’t accept that you’re not just like him so he can’t accept you and your hobbies and likes and dislikes. Nta
*They’re stupid, they’re not going to put food on the table*
Locks eyes with him as you pull a tomato off the vine and put it on a table