My friend is a PhD candidate in a US school. We are Taiwanese and finished our bachelor degree in Taiwan. She was invited to give a speech in our undergrad uni to share her successful PhD application story.
She showed me her slides, basically all about the timeline of her good grade, how to find tutor for the TOEFL (an English proficiency exam) and GRE (a kind of test for grad schools application) exams. Basically, it’s a story about how to be diligent and it gonna make you successful.
I don’t think the story shows the whole picture: she is from a rich family. For example, her parent hired professional native English teacher as her tutor since her high school, and the GRE exam she took was in Korea (the time fit better with her than the Taiwanese one, so she flight to there just for that). Of course, she didn’t need to do any part-time job. Also, she has American citizenship, which makes the application easier compared with her target audience.
I told her she should mention these background issues. Then she got defensive: she said her background is not everything and people should focus on her hardworking. She said I am jealous of her because I don’t get a American PhD like her and from a poor family. (BTW, I am a UK PhD candidate, my school is not as good as hers. Also, I am from a moderate family, but maybe poor compared with her.)
Some of our friends said my points about her background is solid, but still some of them said I belittle her accomplishment in a passive aggressive way. I don’t know. AMTA to point out her rich family and citizenship is crucial for her academic success?
Edit 1: She shared the slides in our friend group and asked us if we had any suggestion. That’s why I pointed out her background.
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NTA you do sound a bit jealous but your friend having an American citizenship is a massive advantage for grad applications. She should mentioned that she has US citizenship in her talk. I don’t think she needs to mention her other advantages because she still had to do well in school and get the grades she got.
This is my main issue with it as well.
That she flew to South Korea to take a test instead of doing it in Taiwan because the timing was better – honestly not worth mentioning. But that she has American citizenship – yes that needs to be highlighted. Of course that will make it a lot easier as she won’t need a visa, if she wants to work part-time she isn’t limited to student jobs, no one needs to sponsor her…
But why did she need to do the TOEFL is she’s not applying as an international candidate? That part is confusing to me (a former international PhD student in US)
NTA. It’s dishonest not to acknowledge that she had significant help that would not be available to most people in her audience. Not suggesting she isn’t hardworking or smart but that really wasn’t enough. Kind of like Nicole Kidman’s daughter getting into fashion modelling. No one honest is going to pretend that her mother did not get her through the door. This feels analogous to me.
yeah this whole “just work hard” narrative completely ignores the reality of privilege. your friend’s speech needs to acknowledge how money made things so much easier for her applications.
She’s uncomfortable acknowledging her privilege
You did the right thing and probably saved her from some gossiping about how out of touch she is
You did your part, she asked for feedback and you gave your POV
NTA
survivor bias is real when you’re literally flying to other countries just to take a test
She pulled herself up by the bootstrap just like Elon. How dare you ask her to paint the whole picture?
NTA
NTA. However, the speech should encourage people to apply, and too much detail about her privilege might have the opposite effect.
I myself come from a developing country and received a PhD from a university ranked by some #1 in the world (not a rich family, middle class or lower). Obviously, this was possible thanks to a scholarship. I’ve been asked so many times by people, “How did you end up there?” And the answer is always the same: “I applied.”
Dunno about where your number one university was, but in the US at least, the majority of students at elite universities are from upper-middle-class (or simply rich) families. Acknowledging your chances is realistic. Applying requires a lot of effort, and if you have no hope, is a waste of time. That said, yeah, if you’re a superlative student (but poor), you should probably go for it, but with your eyes open.
My guess it was more about delivery and tone that made her get defensive. But OPs point still stands it is disingenuous to just say hardwork got her there. When being an American probably played a big part especially with all the immigration crap going on. The rich part probably helped but there are also rich kids that do nothing with their life so that one is more nuanced. But she did take a flight just to take a test because it was more convenient and a lot of students aren’t going to have that luxury. I am going NTA because you brought up the truth and she should be honest about her story and not just leave those parts out because she worked hard. You can work hard but also be fortunate to have things that make it easier for you than others.
Privileged folks hate admitting to their privileges. Hard work only does anything if you’re already rich, if you’re well connected, or get lucky. otherwise you’re just surviving, not getting ahead.
YTA
You want her to give a speech that says “I’m rich.”? How does that help anyone?