I’ll give some context. I, (18F) live in Alaska. Up here, we have yearly payouts that are called PFDs. These are just some of the profits from the oil companies giving money back to the residents, essentially. After turning 18, I wondered what every happened to my PFD money and started asking questions. Questions, I asked, knowing that it would be (without increases from investments) about $30,000 by itself from age 1 to now.
I had asked my parent about this situation and asked what my money had been used for. She stated that it was used for "Medical bills and stuff", but here is the thing. I was double covered insurance wise and basically never had any left over bills which has been stated by her. She then said that indeed, the bills she mentioned was bills that weren’t mine but she would "never use the money on stuff that didn’t involve me".
She then went to my other parents and accused them of getting me on this topic like they were trying to turn me against her or something. Which I can say- is not the case at all. I was just simply curious where the funds went, as it would be nice start for me being a new adult.
She said money has always been tough for her and she had to use some of it for expenses but in the divorce decree from my parents it states she must replenish any funds used from my PFD payments. So, regardless, it shouldn’t be completely gone.
This post could be much longer, as our further conversation didn’t end well. But I will end it here and I can answer more in the thread.
But- AITA?
EDIT- (I also know my original post isn’t that great info wise as there is more needed, more info I have inded provided within the comments.)
I realize I left out some information and will make a TLDR about what the issue is.
It’s not that I feel entitled to the money it is that legally she was supposed to do things with it that she didn’t on top of then lying directly to me and others about the situation and not taking accountability. She states it was used towards me specifically but this comes from a person with a wide history of impulse spending and a $20K collection of funko pops. So with that it is harder to believe and just feels as though I am being directly lied to.
PFD funds, like child support payments, are given to the parent to use at their discretion for the benefit of the child. Did you live with your parent? Did they pay the bills so that you had the things you needed? Were they off taking lavish vacations while leaving you home? Did they buy themselves designer clothing while you never had weather appropriate clothes? As long as your parent was spending their money in a reasonable way to keep you safe and healthy, and gave you decent childhood opportunities, I don’t know what you’re mad about.
PFD funds aren’t meant to be collected and dispensed to a kid on their 18th birthday. A parent might choose to do that, but it shouldn’t be anyone’s expectation. Using extra money to improve your lifestyle while growing up is a totally reasonable use of the funds.
Alaskan here. Agree 100%. Only exception would be if a divorce decree states otherwise, which OP implies but does not directly state/explain.
It does indeed state otherwise in a way. It states that the used funds must be replenished and that a record shall be kept of the usage of such funds. Though she has done neither.
Then the remedy is clear through the courts.
Not an alaskan, but I hate to be this asshole, but those funds are like what 1500 a year or something? Kids are expensive, and cost more than that per year to take care of. They get VERY expensive from 14-18, let me tell you how I know, and why i’m currently super broke. Sure, they could’ve put it in a college fund or something, but instead they used to I assume help take care of you.
1500 if we’re lucky. Alaskan here. PFD this year was a flat 1000. Not only are kids expensive but living in Alaska is REALLY expensive and no one seems to be mentioning that. We’re a kid less 2 person family and some numbers I can think of off the top of my head: 3 bags of groceries cost us 170$ today (lunch meat, bread, milk, basics), getting our tires changed for the winter? Depends on if you have tires ready to swap on or not. Tires up here can run you 600-1000$ and that’s not to put them on either. God knows we used our PFD for our car repairs. Mechanics cost more up here. Every service costs more up here. I’m a hairdresser here and a haircut can run you 50-70 for girls and 30ish for men. I’ve got a coworker who has a kid in sports. The schools in my area have fees for being in said sports. Gas up here is horrible. There is no way that PFD wasn’t used up on something to just live up here almost immediately even if she doesn’t spend her money the greatest. The only last tidbit I can add is that prices can DRASTICALLY fluctuate depending on where you live. People who live on the islands are going to pay triple or quadruple for groceries than what someone closer to Anchorage or Fairbanks are paying.
I’m pretty confused why you think your parent was supposed to save a government tax credit for you for 18 years and not for your care?
What does the divorce decree say exactly? Maybe it was in lieu of child support that she would just get the full amount?
NAH because you were given a poor explanation. I’m guessing groceries in Alaska aren’t that much cheaper than in Canadian territories. My understanding is it’s fairly common to be given money when living in Northern communities to help subsidize some of the difference of the HCOL it doesn’t come close to making up for that.
You did deserve a better explanation than what you were given, plus I think you should have been taught earlier on that the money wasn’t being saved me up for when you turned 18.
My family lived in alaska for a year before my parents split up. That dividend isnt like an inheritance thats given to you when you turn 18. Your parents are more than welcome to spend the money as they see fit as long as your taken care of. If you grew up well cared for then get over it. You got your 30k in the form of a devent childhood and good memories.
YTA I say this as someone whose mom swindled them out of almost everything… You can make more money but you only get so many holidays with your family. Regardless of the divorce decree, it’s wrong to feel so entitled to this money when ultimately she was raising you. This issue should stay between your parents. Go out and make your own way.
$30,000 over 18 years is about $140/month. With no extra curriculars, it’d be really easy to justify spending over $140/month on things that benefit the child, like food and housing, which is easily over this amount.
YTA
She lied to you?? How?? You seriously expect her to itemize where every single dollar tangentially spent on you and your well-being over the course of 18 years was spent, and you somehow think it’s less than $30k??
Hahahahahahahaha
Feeding and clothing you cost her way more than that..
Her collection is none of your business, she’s allowed to have a hobby.. you’re 18, get a job and start collecting the government payments directly..
Irrelevant of what the divorce papers and the law may say, morally peaking, she doesn’t owe you that money back.
And thinking you’re entitled to it means YTA
You’re way off base i think. This is like going to your parents asking about why the child tax credit wasn’t saved every year for a college fund. I think YTA on this one.
YTA. Kids are expensive. I’d be so angry if mine came to me in 10 years asking for an accounting of how I spent the tax credit I got for her. And yes, parents are allowed to buy things for themselves as well.
If your dad is telling you that something was in their divorce decree, then you need to ask him and let him handle it legally. Inserting yourself into their legal agreements is not going to end up great, as you are finding out.