I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year now and we have been friends for 8 years before that. I have been friends with this friend for 3 years now and he always acts super weird around my girlfriend. Whenever I see him around her he always makes inappropriate jokes and is just weird. Almost all of the time when we call on Discord and it’s just him and me he says we should leave the call to join a group chat with him, me, and my girlfriend. The thing that pisses me off the most is that when we are doing something with just 2 of my friends (including him) that we have been working on for forever, he will invite my girlfriend to work with us even if she has 0 clue on how to help or what we are doing. For example, my friend, another friend, and I are making a game together. We have a server on Discord for said game and that’s where we call and build it. He just recently invited my girlfriend to the group chat even though she has zero clue on how to build games and has 0 interest in it. He claims it’s so she can help with the game, but after she was in the team build for just 5 minutes she left because she didn’t know what to do. Now, a group chat that was meant for just the three of us has her in it for no reason and when we try to work on the game he invites her to the call and she distracts us. I don’t say anything to be nice but it really annoys me. He did the same thing for a YouTube series we are doing and it interferes every time. I know that he probably likes her too because one time messages leaked stating how he literally had a crush on her, and somehow he convinced my girlfriend that he didn’t mean them or something. I’ve talked to my girlfriend about it and she gets mad at me whenever I mention him liking her. Also, almost every weekend he goes over to her house despite me not being comfortable with that at all and I’ve communicated that many times. I tell him how I don’t want him being this close to my girlfriend. I’ve also talked to her about it. I don’t want to break ties with him because when he is around me he is generally nice. I yelled at him yesterday for going to her house for the 20th time. It’s getting ridiculous but let me know. AITA?
This should be a conversation with your gf if you haven’t already had it. Do you know what their friendship is like separate from you? She should be the one telling him not to come over, not you telling the friend to stop.
NTA. Why is your gf having your friend over to her house if it makes you uncomfortable? Have you discussed this with her? It definitely sounds like your “friend” is trying to make those slow friendzone type moves on her.
NTA
However, your gf is an ahole. You have a valid concern and you attempted to talk to her about it but she shoots you down. Of course you can’t control who she spends time with and you need to trust her, but it was a red flag that she didn’t listen to your concerns.
I also do not believe you’re the ahole for also voicing your concerns to your friend; that you’re uncomfortable with his actions towards your gf. As stated earlier, you can’t control what they do and you just need to trust your gf. However, with that being said, real friends will listen to each other concerns. I think you need to have one on ones or heart to heart talks with each party and if they continue to be defensive, I would cut my losses and move on.
Thank you, I’m gonna try this today.
Are you saying that this friend of yours goes to your girlfriend’s house alone? Without you or anyone else? That alone would be extremely inappropriate.
Alone
her getting mad is a red flag, i fear there may be something going on between them two. be weary my friend.
NTA
Nta.
Were they friends before you two got together? Asking because if they were then it makes sense that sometimes they hang out without you.
However
If there a leaked messages where he admits to crushing on her then that needs to be addressed. If your girlfriend is unwilling to listen or take concerns seriously it might be time to end the relationship.
If your friend can’t back off now that you and your girlfriend are together then he might not be a real friend after all.
This just reads like they like each other more than you. I’d take the hint.
Also do YOU even like your girlfriend that much? Why don’t you go over to her house.