my aunt got hospitalize yesterday. we are an extended family living in 1 roof. i helped everything i can until now. issue is my birthday is in a couple of days and everything is planned and paid and its exactly 2days vacation with my mom and some of my cousin and nieces. my mom (my aunts younger sister) talked to me today to cancel it. and i refused because it is not refundable. told her my aunt have kids who can take care of her. so we had an argument and finished that i will just go by myself
YTA You will have birthdays every year, there is plenty of time for vacations. This only happened yesterday and it’s your mom’s sister, why would you even want her to try and be happy and celebrate when someone she loves is in the hospital?
I don’t want to come across as morbid because this is a delicate subject, but we’re not promised tomorrow, let alone a birthday ever year, as you say. Rather presumptuous to say we have plenty of time for vacations when we don’t actually know how much time we have at all.
And it seems OP’s Mom was the one who wanted her to cancel the trip entirely for all of them including OP. OP’s not forcing her mometo come but rather it seems her mom may be trying to force her to cancel the whole trip, meaning she thinks OP shouldn’t go either.
This is what I understood.
NTA Your aunt is safely in the hospital, her kids are able to help with any needs and you have a planned, and paid for vacation. Your mom needs to make her own decision.
Just because you might have many birthdays in the future, you may not as well.
Celebrate yourself.
Your subject heading says you are refusing not to cancel. Your post suggests you are refusing to cancel. Which is it? Anyway, it’s your birthday. Do what you want. It’s not your fault your aunt may be dying.
english is not my 1st language. but to answer your question. i dont want to cancel
NTA but hear me out. We recently had a birthday celebration at a wake. The birthday celebration was for the widow who’d recently lost her husband and the wake was for her husband. The widow shares a birthday with her sister-in-law, and they celebrated it with his family at the beach just after a week of his passing because they needed their spirits uplifted. They needed to balance the feelings of deep sadness, loss and grief with a reminder that were happy times ahead and despite it all, reasons to celebrate a joyous occassion like a birthday even though the husband had passed.
It may be slightly out of order for me to compare the two situations but unless your Aunt is in critical condition, I would go on the birthday trip. Even when my Uncle was incapacitated from a stroke and in a rehabilitation center (we visited him nearly every day for 2 years) we celebrated my birthday at my favorite Mexican restaurant and had an absolute rager of a Thanksgiving celebration. We went to New York for christmas
My Uncle wouldn’t have wanted us to stop living our lives just because he was in hospital and couldn’t join us. And nothing we did, whether celebrating birthdays or holidays made him sicker.
But at the end of the day, do what feels right for you. I would totally go despite your Mom and co. but that’s me. And my culture is a huge advocate of finding happiness even in the darkest of times.
I hope your Aunt gets better soon🙏🏾 Enjoy your birthday, no matter what you decide.
thanks. my aunt has been going in and out of the hospital this year. and this vacation is not really just about me. its for my nieces to enjoy. i will probably be just attending to them but if i will go alone. i probably just stay in the hotel room. sad. but thats it
NTA. It’s all paid for with no refunds. If your aunt is going to be ok and is safe then there’s no reason to cancel. Go and have fun
Yes I agree you should go solo and enjoy yourself
Do we know aunt is “safe”? She could be in bad shape in the hospital, or have procedures etc lined up. If that is mom’s sister, it is totally understandable that mom wouldn’t feel much like celebrating.
theres no procedure at the moment. she had a mild stroke. and we are still waiting for results
NTA
You might see about rescheduling, but if you can’t, go right ahead with a clear conscience.
the truth is. i cant reschedule within december. next is probably in the next 4 months