Hi! First time poster. Would I be the asshole if I asked my husband to please do at least the necessities on his "to do" list before helping his brother again? .. My husband (31) and I (32F) have been married for 2 years. His brother, who previously lived 35ish mins from us, just moved 3 mins down the road. Maybe 5ish weeks ago. And during that time, he’s called my husband for "help" at least once a week, but usually twice. Over the most random, he can absolutely do himself, things. For context, we are so so busy. My husband’s parenting schedule with his kids, and also mine with my son, is 50/50. So the kids are here for a week, then not here for a week, and so on. The week that they are here, he doesn’t do anything at all that doesn’t involve them. Since he only gets them half the month, etc. So on his weeks without the kids, he has to work multiple OT shifts and we also have a farm. So there’s always constant priorities that need done, he crams all that into his weeks without the kids, after work on the days hes not already working OT. Therefore most things typically take months to complete, simply because there isn’t the time. He’s very hard on himself for not getting more done… For more context, when we bought this property, it was an abandoned mess. It took so much work and time to make it liveable. My husband asked his brother for help on 2 different occasions. He couldn’t be bothered, just reasons why he was too busy. But he doesn’t hesitate to call my husband for "help" over anything that pops into his head. My husband’s stance on this is, "he’s my family. If im physically able to help him, im going to". Black and white like that. All while constantly saying he feels essentially worthless for not getting what he feels like he should be getting done at home. It makes me feel so bad and I absolutely can’t relate at the same time. Why he just can’t say, "I have to do xyz at my own house today, so Im sorry but I can’t. But maybe we could work out a day where you can help me with xyz and then a day I can help you with xyz." is beyond me.. And for more context, even he would describe his brother as, simply put, an entitled prick.
So am I the asshole for basically just wanting him to set some basic boundaries with his brother?