Background info:
My fiance (m27) and myself (f28) are having our wedding in mexico of oct 2026. At first we thought my parents would be able to go and that my dad could visit mexico again before he passes as he has stage 4 cancer. My dads currently in remission and the doctor said he was fine to go but due to financial and legal issues my dad cant get his passport. I wouldve been abel to help financially but legal issues is different but my mom said she cant go if my dad cant go which i understand but then got mad and called my wedding an emergency and that its still over a year away when we found out my dad cant go. In the beginning she was mad that we chose mexico because my fiances parents live in mexico and cant come to the us for the wedding. I thought i had it figured out where my parents could come but turns out we cant bypass the issue with my dads passport and i suggested we do a small wedding where my dad can walk me down the aisle still before the trip to mexico but my mom is still mad and it makes me feel like im the selfish one even though im trying to make everyone’s wishes come true.
Edit: my soon to be mother in law also has liver issues do to her job and is terminal and isnt in remission like my dad also but we plan on doing 2 ceremonies one in the us and the other in mexico
No trip to Mexico at all. Keep it local. Destination weddings inherently make you sort of an ahole because you’re putting guests in a position to spend serious money and be inconvenienced in order to attend an event that most really don’t want to miss.
Edit & changed mind because I wasn’t thinking of the cross border issue the other way. NTA. The US isn’t safe for Mexican travellers these days
The groom’s family is in Mexico. Truthfully I wouldn’t jeopardize their safety by having them come to the U.S.
YTA
You’re not an ass like the subreddit name would imply but you’re also not being very considerate right now. I would say save Mexico for the honeymoon between you and her and make the actual wedding more accessible to local family. It’s up to you, though.
NTA. You and your fiancé are from different countries whose parents, for whatever reason, are unable to travel to attend the wedding. It puts you in a difficult position. I understand your parents want to attend and I’m sure your fiance’s parents feel the same way. Someone’s parents are on the losing end of this one.
Not the asshole.
It’s your wedding right… it’s for you not them.
Destination weddings are great as it cuts out all the hangers on (speaking from direct experience).
Note though… you may want to do a simple civil ceremony beforehand in your home country (assuming USA) to make the life admin easier – to be legally married in you home country without the need for translations and apostilles etc.
Then have the wedding (party) in Mex.
NTA
Having a wedding where your fiancé’s parents live is not a destination wedding. You aren’t choosing location over family.
This is a situation that calls for two weddings. If the bigger celebration is taking place on Mexico, give your parents the privilege of the legal ceremony. It will be easier to do the license close to home anyway.
NAH. If I’m reading things right, the people who are saying you’re the asshole are overlooking the fact that your fiancé’s family is in Mexico. It’s not about an exotic “destination wedding” but about family. The problem is that your two families can’t be in the same place for a ceremony. Honestly, you need two celebrations, one in each country, arrangted so that neither is the REAL one and the other the SUBSTITUTE. Just two equal celebrations.
Well I kinda see their point your dad has stage four cancer and can’t go to your wedding because you are choosing to accommodate your fiance’s parents who can’t travel to you. Your parents are upset because you are placing more importance on you fiance’s parents being able to attend the wedding. Then, in their mind, offering them a “fake” wedding meant to placate them.
I see their point. But your fiance’s parents matter too, this situation just is bad.
I have to ask why is it more important to have your wedding so it is more convenient to your fiance’s parents when yours can’t come? Will you regret your parents not being at your wedding when they are gone? Also, why can’t the fiance’s parents travel?
I am going to go on the side of YTA only because your dad has stage four cancer. That feels like it should take priority in this situation. But really you have to live with the decision.
NTA given you said you’d do a ceremony in home country for your parents and then go to Mexico where his parents are. Nobody has more important parents and you’ve offered a very sensible path forward. My condolences about your father’s cancer.
You buried a very important detail, which is that this isn’t a destination wedding, your fiancé’s parents are in Mexico. I predict many will miss that and the vote will go poorly for you.
Maybe people should read the entire text before deciding their verdict.
NTA. Neither parents are more important. Short of renting a boat and having the ceremony in the ocean somehow I don’t see how you can overcome his parents not allowed in America and your parents not allowed in Mexico.
As someone else said, you buried the lead that this is a legal problem you didn’t anticipate and can’t solve that is keeping both sets of parents apart.
NTA. I was gonna suggest you do another event in the US, but you’re already doing that. It’s unfortunately just not possible to have a single event both sides of the family can attend. You’re doing the best you can.