This year, a member of my paternal family is hosting a Christmas get-together, and I’ve been invited. However, I already told him I wouldn’t be there on Christmas Day and that I’d visit during the Christmas season (we live in the same country, about an hour apart). I said this in November.
Yesterday and today, my dad tells me I’m invited and asks if I am coming, as the family would love to see me. He says it’s a special Christmas because my grandparents (his parents) from overseas will be here in the country(I saw them 5 months ago when I travelled to see them, and they are staying here for 6 months so that I can see them other times), and other family members from overseas whom I have never met will be here.
FYI, my grandparents have always been lovely to me.
However, since he and my mother split when I was 8(I am now almost 20), I have not really been invited to things on his side. My mum does not stop be from going to things on his side and recently told me that when her and my dad split, she told my aunty she was happy for them to see me and that she was happy to drop me off, and my she said that if if my dad wants me to see them or vice versa, he can bring me to them.
I used to spend Christmas with his side of the family. After my parents split, I remember spending another Christmas there, but after that, I said I would like to stay home for Christmas, and I’ve never gotten another invite to spend it with the uncle and aunt I used to go to for Christmas. I usually spend Christmas with my mum’s side at home. My dad comes in the morning/afternoon to drop off presents and see everyone, then he goes to his brother’s house to spend Christmas with his brother’s wife and kids, along with other family members. This year he would still come to see me, and then when he leaves to go to his family, he would bring me with him.
I am also aware of family events I haven’t been invited to, since I have cousins on my dad’s side who live very close to me. We see each other, and they ask me ‘Uncle xx is having an event, are you going?’ and I would respond that I was not because that was the first I was hearing about it, so clearly I wasn’t invited. And this has happened multiple times. Also, my godfather (dad’s brother) never calls or checks in on me.
This summer, the family also got together. I was there. However, I wasn’t in the family photo, my dad was. He said he and everyone else were looking for me to take the picture, but I didn’t hear anyone calling my name, or them shouting ‘family photo’. I was at the exact location, but I was in the house (all the doors were open, and they were right outside). No one thought, "Hey, where was I?" or took another photo together when they found me, or when I came outside.
NTA. i wouldnt want to spend a christmas with a bunch of people who dong invite me to any other family events either that would be awkward and unenjoyable i would think
INFO: Have you told your father?
Yes. I told him I would not be there on Christmas, and that there have been events I have not been invited to, and he said, ‘What am I talking about?’ and that there were even get-togethers that I was invited to with his side of the family that he was not invited to (every event I have gone to, he has been there).
And he said it was a special Christmas, a ‘once in a lifetime Christmas’, and everyone wants to see me.
Ntah. You have two sides of the family. You’re an adult and you get to choose who you spent holidays with. Don’t address it loudly, just don’t show up, let your dad know “sorry I’ve got plans”. Go to your moms and enjoy your holiday! I’ve spent many holidays with strangers, and enjoyed them more than I do with my family.
I don’t think you’re TA but maybe a little self defeating – you’re upset about not being invited to events and responding by not going to an event you are invited to. Which will probably just give them more excuse to not invite you in the future. Do you like these people and enjoy spending time with them? If so, go. If not, don’t.
This. You’re obviously at an age to decide to go or not to go, but you as a kid made the decision to stop the tradition of you going. Also for some family things, invitations are open, meaning you don’t have to be specifically invited to be welcome.
If you don’t go, I agree that they’ll continue to not make an effort to include you. Your dad wants you there. Your grandparents would obviously enjoy having you there. Is that enough?
At 9yo she made the decision to spend christmas with mom so everyone started ignoring her existence afterwards.
What a shitty answer. She is ignored even when she does go.
Nta go enjoy Christmas with your mom