Back in 2023 my brother and SIL had a civil ceremony and a small wedding reception at a nearby restaurant. The event took place during a work/school day so my family and I took the time off to attend. There were multiple pre-ceremony activities that required our attendance by my brother and SIL (i.e. family photos, lunch, etc.) By the time the ceremony took place it was already the afternoon.
My son, who was 3 at the time, missed his nap so when the ceremony started, he started becoming disruptive. To be respectful of my brother and SIL’s moment, I quietly took my son out of the room and waited outside until the ceremony was over. My son had a short nap before the reception and was fine the remainder of the evening. Fast forward to 2024, my brother and SIL decide to distance themselves with us and the rest of the family. When asked, he stated that there were a myriad of reasons and one was me leaving his wedding ceremony to take care of my son. He stated that he wanted me there (when no specific request was made by him to me prior to the ceremony) and that it should have been my husband’s job to care for our son. My mom even sided with me and told him that what I did was in respect to his day. I would like to talk this out with my brother but he refuses.
Am I the asshole?
They’re right that your husband should have been the one to deal with your son but that’s alone is a ridiculous reason to cut you off. I’m curious about the other reasons that you conveniently left out, though.
OP said bro said there were a “myriad of reasons” and in my experience when people (bro in this case) say that then they don’t want to expound further. I don’t blame OP for taking their kid out so they could nap. Better that than a screaming toddler.
NTA the reason people have child free weddings is to avoid melting down children. As Reddit is fond of saying it was an invitation not a summons. You didn’t have to go at all. You missed 15 minutes and you were at every other event?
How sad is his life that he noticed who was in the audience? When I got married all I could see was my husband.
I wouldn’t say YAH, but I think it’s a valid question if your husband was there and it was YOUR brother, why on earth YOU took your child out and missed the ceremony and not your husband?
Your brother is lying. They created a list of “slights” as a reason to distance themselves. That is also the reason he doesn’t want to talk. He knows it is bull.
Why didnt your husband do his job? YTA
While I understand why you walked out your brother is right you could have had your husband take your son out. He may prefer you but your son would have been fine with his dad. It sounds like dad is getting off the hook from being a fully involved parent because you just do it. Your brother is being really childish though for refusing to talk this out. ESH.
INFO- What were the other reasons and why didn’t your husband take your son out of the ceremony to calm him down so you could watch your brother get married?
ESH
Your brother sucks because he is being petty about it.
You suck because your brother is right… your husband should have been the one to remove your son and take care of him during the wedding. YOU are related to your brother by blood… not your husband.
Your brother shouldn’t have to convey that it was important to him that you be witness to the full ceremony.
When we are with my wife’s family, I make things easier for her. When we are with my family, she makes things easier for me.
Info: why didn’t your husband take the kid out?
At my wedding, both my BILs ended up in the lobby for a bit with their kids. My sisters wouldn’t have dreamed of being the ones to leave.
INFO: why couldn’t your husband have taken your son out so that you could watch your bother get married?
ESH. Your brother, for being dramatic. Your husband, for not grabbing your son when he started being disruptive and removing him from the ceremony space so you could remain to see your brother getting married. And you, for seemingly needing to be told by your brother that he’d like you to see him get married.
My toddler son started acting up at my grandfather’s funeral service. He was very much a mama’s boy at the time, and mostly looked for me when he needed to be comforted, over my husband/his dad. You know what though? My husband grabbed him and took him out of the service so I could stay and be there with my family. Because that’s the right and normal thing to do. He didn’t need to be told to do so, and I didn’t need to be told by my family that I should stay.
If you were by yourself with your son, you taking him out makes sense. But since your husband/his father was also there, you both suck.
That being said, this is silly to cut off contact over, so either your brother is a dramatic ding dong or something else is going on.