I live on the West Coast with my husband and baby. My parents are on the East Coast and keep pressuring me to fly home for Christmas. I cannot afford it and don’t want to.
The man I call my dad is actually my stepdad. He’s been in my life since I was a baby and is the only father figure I’ve ever known. Growing up, my parents argued constantly, sometimes violently, and often took it out on me.
At 17, I was told I had to go to college or be disowned, and that I’d have to pay for it myself. No money was saved, so I took out large student loans. My stepdad co-signed and said I’d be fine. Around the same time, my mom received $5,000 in child support but spent it on herself and gave me $200.
I later moved back home to be near my much younger brother (I’m 18 years older). Living there was awful. I was treated like a live-in babysitter, constantly criticized, and my stepdad told me I’d never succeed without a degree. I tried school again, took more loans, and dropped out because I couldn’t afford more debt. I’ve worked since I was 15, paid my own way, and never had a real safety net.
I met my husband 1.5 years ago, got pregnant a few months in, and we married at the courthouse in May. I didn’t tell my family because I wanted to surprise them with a wedding, but I regret that. My parents have implied he only wants papers, blame him for me living far away, and argue with him.
After giving birth, my mom, stepdad, and brothers visited. Instead of helping, they trashed my home while my baby was in the NICU. My mom called daily complaining about traffic and wanting to go home. They ran up $120 in tolls using my car and refused to reimburse me. They argued with my husband, saying he was rude, when he was just upset. Days after birth, my mom screamed at me and called me names.
My stepdad pays for everyone else’s medical and dental care and has extra income, but I can’t get help even when I need it. He keeps me on health insurance only because it doesn’t cost him extra. Meanwhile, my mom spends thousands on herself and my younger brother, who gets essentially everything he wants. I suspect favoritism is because he is his biological child.
I’m on maternity leave making $1,000/month, which goes to loans and bills. My car doesn’t work, childcare is $2,000/month, and I have medical issues I can’t afford. My family refuses to visit me, says I’m ungrateful, and pressures me to come for Christmas.
They say, “We’re your family,” but my husband and baby are my family now. I’m happy where I live and done sacrificing my mental health. I’m considering cutting them off.
AITA for refusing to visit for Christmas and unsure if I should tell them I’m married?