I live with my girlfriend and we have moved into a 3 bedroom apartment. We agreed before we moved that the smallest bedroom would be my office since I work from home most of the time.
I mentioned that since the office is mine, I will be the one cleaning and tidying it and that when the door is closed that means my gf doesn’t come in which she agreed to.
When we’re cleaning the apartment on weekends she will still go to the office and start to tidy up the desk and I tell her to stop since I leave things how I want them.
She repeats that the office is messy but I just pointed out she has no reason to actually be in it. I said that the door was closed and she’s going out her way to move things around in a room she doesn’t need to be in.
She got annoyed and said I should be tidying it up more regularly than I am but I just told her that I leave things on my desk so I know exactly where they are for the next day and it doesn’t affect her at all.
She said I should be compromising and tidying it up better than I am but I disagreed since it’s my office and my girlfriend has no reason to ever actually be in the room. I pointed out the office is clean and it’s just some work things that I leave out on the desk.
She said it should be tidied with the rest of the apartment but I just told her that it’s my space and that I leave it how I like it and I leave it how I work best.
Just to clarify, the room is clean so I’ll dust, vacuum, remove mugs and things so it is just a bit of mess that is on the desk in the room and a few files next to the desk so it’s not unhygienic.
AITA for expecting my partner to stop tidying things in my home office?
Nta, this is a reasonable expectation for you to have control over your space.
NTA. She should respect your boundaries and simply not open the door.
Absolutely NTA. Your GF is impinging unnecessarily. If she keeps insisting on doing it, start reorganising her make up and other personal stuff. It may help her empathise.
NTA, but it sounds like there’s a control issue over the space that’s underlying the conflict. Having a “me” space in an “us” house can be a challenge, and it seems like there’s some discomfort around that between you.
I think you gf is just nosy and want to see what’s going on in your office since you forbid her from stepping in.
nta it might be time to consider a lock on the office door
NTA Ask her why she is so hellbent on sabotaging your work. Is she deliberately trying to mess with your paycheck? Is she resentful that you can work from home?
Lock the door
NTA. I think she just wanted to snoop around because you telling her not to clean it probably made her curious.
NTA and depending on what your job is, she shouldn’t be anywhere near your desk. She needs to get to the point where she just acts like your office doesn’t even exist and the door stays closed 24/7
NTA.
Your partner is trying to enforce HER idea of tidyness (not cleanliness) on YOUR office. That’s wrong. Lots of people prefer to keep their desks the way you do. Some, like me, are a lot worse. (I find things in piles by reverse chronological order).
What’s really important for her to understand, is that what she thinks is tidying up, is actually *hiding things* from you. Because she doesn’t know where you would keep them or file them if you were done with them.
Does she keep toiletries out on the bathroom counter? Ask her how she would feel if YOU put them away in random drawers.
NTA I would be super annoyed. I also leave things out on my desk for the next day to remind me of things. It doesn’t need to be “tidy” on her schedule because it’s not a shared space. As long as you’re not leaving food on any surfaces she has no reason to “clean” it. If she doesn’t want to see it she can close the door.
Does she have trust or control issues?
My husband’s office looks like a cocaine addict became a collector. It is atrocious.
I would never so much as move a paper clip in his office.
We store our extra paper products in there. I wouldn’t even go in to get toilet paper. I text him and he puts some in my bathroom.
If he *asked* me to help I would be happy to, but he hates it *and* doesn’t want help.
Keep the door closed.
Too many people see tidiness as a moral issue. If you are not clearing your desk off every evening, you aren’t a good person.
This attitude sucks and you need to push back not just on her ignoring your boundaries, but also the idea that mess means you are a bad person.