I (25M) and my wife (24F) have been together for 5 years and married for 1 year. We live in Australia. I migrated here three years ago, completed my Master’s degree, and have been working consistently since then.
For the past three months, I’ve been working 7 days a week – a full-time corporate job Monday to Friday, and a part-time job on weekends. My wife is still studying and works around 25 hours a week. We’re both trying to save aggressively to buy our first home, which has honestly been really tough.
My wife has always wanted to travel. Recently, some of her friends have been travelling overseas, and she’s been feeling like she’s missing out. She brought this up a few times, so I encouraged her to go on a trip to China with her friend.
Last night, she told me she booked her flight. The departure time is 8:45 PM on a Friday.
Here’s the issue: I finish my main job at 5 PM, get home around 5:30 PM, and then I start my part-time job at 12:00 AM (Friday night). The airport is about 1.5 hours away from where we live. Driving her there would mean losing rest, rushing between jobs, and risking my ability to work later that night.
I explained this to her and suggested alternatives – her friend’s brother (who they’re close with) could drop them off, or her father could take them since he doesn’t work the next day.
She got very upset and said I’m not there to say goodbye to her on her “first international trip” (even though she has flown internationally before – this is just her first leisure trip). She has stopped talking to me. I am drained and do not have energy for an argument.
I’m struggling to understand how this is fair. I’ve been working nonstop, paying for the trip, and trying to build a future for us. Taking time off the part-time job isn’t an option – it pays really well (almost double my main job), and I don’t have sick leave, so it would be a straight financial loss.
I genuinely feel conflicted. Am I being unreasonable here, or is it unfair for her to expect this given the circumstances ?
NTA. Ask your wife what solution she is proposing. That she wants you to miss work? That she wants to be late to the airport and miss her flight?
Also, she’s ridiculous to say you won’t be there to say goodbye. You say goodbye when you can. Maybe that’s in the morning before you go to work. Maybe that’s some other time. Or maybe you don’t say anything because with modern technology, you can have a call right before she boards the plane. Yeesh.
She says I would be back by the time its time for my next shift. I am just at a loss of words as to how to even communicate this to her.
How would she feel if you crashed while driving home from the airport because you didn’t get any rest? Like, does she care about you? Or are you just in her life to make her life easier?
Only you can decide what to do because only you have the full context of your relationship. You are sharing one snippet here, but there’s more that only you know to decide what to do.
NAH.
You have a sound logistical and financial argument.
But what she wants is the romantic gesture. For you to miss her terribly before she’s even left.
Info: Could you take the day off from your 9-5 gig and use that day to rest before taking her to the airport and the. Heading home for the weekend job?
NTA- she is being ridiculous
Letting her emotions lead instead of logic and practicality.
I’m married over 20 years and when I have had to travel for work and leave early in the morning, I ask my wife if she is taking me or if I am getting an Uber. To this day, it has been Uber every time cause she wants to sleep. And I’m fine with that.
NTA
YTA – take this from an older guy who worked really hard when I was younger and had in my head all the things you just said. I’m doing it for us, I’m exhausted, I barely sleep, but this is for us, why doesn’t she get it? She’s working a regular job and can handle it while I set us up.
My wife finally told me one day that if this is what it takes then I don’t want it. I want you and I want to be a priority to you. That hit hard, but she was correct. I told her that day that I would make some adjustments because I was potentially slowly losing her. She never said that, but I couldn’t see her feeling like she was not a priority. So, I started working smarter and listened/watched her clues more closely. I also told her in advance the times I had to travel and when I would not be around or working extra. Everything changed after that day and now 25 years later we are as happy as ever and been married 30 yrs.
Please gladly take her to the aiand talk to her about her adventures and how excited you are for her. Then sleep while she’s gone!
NTA. She’s asking you to drive 6 hours when she could drive 3. It’s not even a question at that point but it already sounds like you’re working yourself really hard. Adults can get themselves to the airport. I live 45 min from my major airport and I’ve been with my wife for 10 years. I love her dearly and I won’t drive her to the airport if I’m going to pay more in gas/tolls than I can pay for her parking (usually 4 days or less she’s on her own)
NTA Most people consult with their partners when purchasing flights that might require their help. It was rude of her to buy the flight without even checking to see if it would work.
NTA but im also a little conflicted cause you’re being a bit of a baby. Use your sick days or something. I wonder if the reason why she didnt ask you before booking is because she knew youd say no
NTA. You work SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. She can put on her big girl pants and figure out the travel to the airport and back.
Your wife is being unreasonable. You are working 2 jobs to help pay bills and she is going away on a leisure trip with friends. She expects you to blow off a shift to drive her when she has other people to do it. Maybe you need to rethink this whole situation.
This isn’t about the airport run for her. She’s probably feeling distant bc you’re working so much, and on top of that her goals may have changed. I think this needs to be a larger conversation about whether the lifestyle is sustainable and worth it. You’re extremely young – can you push your house timeline back a year or two to have some quality of life? Very strict budgeting and aggressive saving is not always sustainable, and different people have different abilities to tolerate it. Priorities shift, and you may not be around enough to have noticed that hers has. Which is no one’s fault, but you need to communicate about it.