TLDR at the bottom for those who want it.
*Fake Names Used*
I, 19F, and my partner, 20M, Mark, live with his brother, 24M, John, his gf, 24F, and their two kids, 4F and 1M.
We have lived with them for just over two months, because of unfortunate circumstances that led there to be no other option. This being said, I am incredibly grateful to them for allowing us to stay with them, they did not have to do that.
To start, let’s discuss the rules of living there.
-we have to ask to shower, use the kitchen, and do laundry
-we have to leave the door open at all times except when sleeping
-i am forbidden from talking to John, even when it is something that directly involves him
-We are not allowed to use the TV before 6-7 and not past 10. (This rule more applies to me, they made us buy a TV specifically so John and Mark could play games together, they play whenever John wants to, regardless of time)
-i am not allowed to sit on the couch if John is sitting on the couch
-we are not allowed to talk back (I am not talking about attitude. They mean talking back literally.)
Those are some of the rules, there are many more unlisted due to length. Also to be noted, since I realize what some of those rules could imply, I have NEVER made a move on John. I am NOT into John. I have never even IMPLIED I like him or anything.
This being said, we pay 1000$ a month, just under half of the rent. At the current moment, Mark has a job that makes enough to cover that as I am still actively looking.
In the two months we have lived here, I have never been called by my name. I am known as ‘marks girl’. I have been yelled at for closing the door so I could change my clothes. I have been berated and literally called stupid because I forgot to tell them I applied for a job that day. I am constantly reminded that they could drop me off back in LA at any time they feel like it. John threatened to talk to my mom to force her to let me move in with her (I am NOT on speaking terms with my mother, she is abusive). Due to the character limit, I will not list more than that but there is much more.
The legal issue I would be pursuing action on is, recently I got an ebt card. They decided that, to make it ‘fair’, they would be taking my half of the rent out of my ebt. I told them that I wasn’t comfortable with this, as it is illegal, and that if they were going to use it I would like to be the one making the purchases. They told me they wouldn’t get caught and that they do it all of the time. I agreed because I was scared that they’d kick me out if I didn’t. They said they’d only be using it online. They have not only been using it online. They have been taking my card everywhere they can, without me there, and using it to buy stuff, and on top of that they aren’t counting it towards the rent they’re supposed to be counting towards.
So, WIBTA for pursuing legal action over illegal use of my ebt card?
NTA
Is your bf okay with all these “rules” for you, the name calling, the verbal abuse?
I’m sorry you’re in this situation and I suggest talking to a lawyer first, but this situation is above Reddit’s paygrade.
Get out.
NTA – if you have any other option for housing, please go there. This is an abusive and exploitative living situation.
NTA, but I would personally prioritize moving out and living in your own place over pursuing legal action.
Id say NTA for reporting, but you better change your living situation first or it will come back to bite you as you let them have the physical card.
This situation sounds all kinds of sketchy and abusive. Not only do you need to consider talking to a lawyer and getting legal advice before the law finds you, you should consider ditching your spineless boyfriend who agrees to these rules.
NTA, these people are AHs who are abusing you. But what use is legal action if you are still living there?
Your mom was abusive. Now you live in another abusive situation. If your BF is allowing this to happen, then he is also your abuser. Move out. Go to a women’s shelter if you have to. Get in all the programs you can that will help you find a job and get on your feet. Figure out how to be independent. And once you are, you need therapy to help keep you out of similar situations in the future.
Are there any women’s shelters or friends you can stay with? Cheap long term motel? Keep your plans unknown to everyone. Even the bf, he doesn’t sound like he has your back or that he respects you.
Nta
But like everyone else said MOVE OUT! Why are you putting yourself in that situation? You have no freedoms and you’re paying half the rent. Tell your bf it’s time to leave. And why the hell is he letting his family treat you like crap?
You dont make enough money to hire a lawyer. What would you get out of legal action? You need to move the hell out and get away from them. The fact that your partner is ok with all this is a huge red flag. You’re gonna end up buried in the backyard
NTA but do it on your way out the door. For $1000 a month there has to be a room for rent somewhere. Go to the welfare office and see about getting further assistance. Tell them you’re in a hostile living situation, along with all the details
Without knowing at least the state its hard to list possible services. Good luck and stay safe.
NTA. What they’re doing is illegal and abusive, and you only agreed out of fear of being kicked out, which is coercion—not real consent. Taking and using your EBT card, especially without counting it toward rent, is theft and could put you at legal risk if it’s flagged. Advice: report the card as misused or stolen to SNAP to protect yourself, document everything, and contact Legal Aid or a housing/domestic abuse support service. If you can, start planning to leave—this situation isn’t safe or sustainable.
You and your partner are better off renting a room from someone or air bnb for $1000 a month until you get a job
Please leave this situation and get to a shelter. This is abusive and yes the use of your ebt by anyone but you is illegal. I’m a little concerned that if you report it you will be held accountable for letting others use it but get your card back or report it as stolen and get a replacement.