This story is not very long and has a tad of anger behind it. So a little back story me female (32) and my wife (34) agreed to show my sister ( who we shall call kimmy) around in our hometown for her birthday which me being the introvert that I am that is already a lot for me. Kimmy knows I suffer from real bad anxiety and holiday depression. Let’s just say once she got here it was all great and fun until it wasn’t. Kimmy arrives on the 15th and my wife and I took her to her hotel and then took her out to eat no big deal. The next day we took her out to get brunch. Kimmy decided that she was going to order to go food as well as food to eat at the table including a to go mimosa. Kimmy’s birthday was on December 17th great I love this for her. I am so happy that I get to see my sister older sister. Well fast forward to her birthday because that is really why we are all here I went and bought some liquor to celebrate her big 44th birthday. Well things took a turn when I realized that I spent a lot of money on her at the restaurant. My wife and I took kimmy to a crab house and she ordered the second most expensive thing on the menu she just ordered and went crazy. My wife and I ordered catfish and some fries and corn and got some hush puppies to go. Where as kimmy ordered the Dungeness crab boil and she order to go hush puppies. So, the check comes and she looked at me like I had it. I quietly didn’t say anything and just paid the bill $86 dollar bill. We left and went back to her room and drank the rest of the night. That night I called our grandfather crying because the whole time she was down here I spent well over $300 dollars on her while she spent no money. I just need to know if I am the asshole, if I tell her if she comes back down here that she needs to supply all her food and everything because I really feel as though she was being selfish and as a younger sibling I feel like she was relying on me to do too much. So am I the asshole?
This was difficult to read. I don’t think I have great advice, except to set boundaries and expectations and adhere to them.
Based on your post, it doesn’t really sound like your sister crossed a line. Because it doesn’t sound like you set any. And it doesn’t seem to me that she went too crazy or did anything crazy.
In the future, set some boundaries when it comes to dinner when she is visiting. So it is known that she pays her share.
You are 32 years old and called your grandpa crying because you spent too much money going out to eat with your sister? YTA, you’re a full grown adult. You should have said you couldn’t afford so many restaurant meals. You only have yourself to blame here for not speaking up.
Not to mention that $300 for three dinners out and a bunch of liquor for a birthday party sounds like an absolute bargain to me!
But yes, if OP does not have $300 to spend, then she should not have taken her sister out at all. And she should have communicated that before the visit.
Who paid for the hotel? And did she fly or drive in, from how far away? You could have ordered in or cooked for her, or provided her with a place to stay. Then everyone would have saved money.
Rude? Sure, especially ordering to go. But also, you’re an adult… you should have had a chat with her instead of crying to your grandpa. Also could have mitigated the second hit by ordering in, or not paying for the drinks or saying “one dish is on me!”. You could have easily told the waiter the to-go stuff is not on the same bill (I’m surprised they didn’t double check that actually).
Usually, it is expected by both the birthday person and the people taking them out to dinner that the birthday person gets treated. Gets what they want and everyone else pays. So for the birthday dinner I wouldn’t have expected her to think she had to chip in. If the whole trip was for her birthday, then it seems reasonable that she thought it was all on you. Though she might have shown a little restraint with all the crab. I would leave it behind you and just let your sister know that next time, you dont have anything in your budget for entertainment on her visit, so it will all be home cooked meals.
You lost me when you called grandpa and cried. YTA
You’re 32, married, and crying to your grandpa because you overspent on your sister.
Why did you take her out to dinner, to brunch, buy a ton of alcohol, and then go out to dinner again! When she ordered food to go, why didn’t you jokingly say, ” Hey, that’s going to have to be on you, I am now broke!” Why didn’t you ask her if she wanted to go to brunch, but tell her she’d have to pay for her meal because you kind-of spent a lot the night before? Why didn’t you and your wife cook her a meal at your house?
There were many opportunities to change this situation, unfortunately, at your age you have to think of those and adult now.