So a while ago, I had a best friend who was in my life for maybe 20 years. This person was my best friend through so much and was supportive of me through my pregnancy. After having my baby, she rarely came to see me, didn’t really text to see how I was doing and would frequently tell me I was a bad friend for not coming up to visit her more often. She lives an hour plus away and my baby hated the car seat and would purple face cry if we drove more than 10 minutes. It was really stressful for me to drive around with my baby like that plus I had an emergency c section that had some serious complications that prevented me from driving, lifting or just doing anything for at least a month and a half. Anyway, after telling me I was a bad friend for not prioritizing her and driving up to see her but taking my then baby to baby classes in my town, she told me she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. It hurt especially bad because I struggled with severe PPD and a traumatic birth that landed me in the hospital after some unfortunate attempts. Not saying it’s her fault but she knew of my struggles but it still felt like she was “piling on” if that makes sense at all time when I was at my lowest. This all happened within the first 5-6 months after my baby was born.
Anyway after she told me she didn’t want to be my friend and told me not to reach out to her, she reached out to me with a baby announcement in the mail maybe 6-7 months later. I didn’t respond because it felt like she wanted me to celebrate her when she left me at the peak of my struggling. She then reached out again a few months later via text and I told her that I wasn’t ready to talk to her yet but I wish her well and congrats on her pregnancy.
A year after that, we reconnected. I reached out to wish her a happy birthday and she really let me have it for not being there for her while she was pregnant. She used air quotations around my struggles while highlighting her own and the entire convo just left me feeling like me, my children, my feelings, my struggles were just not important or serious to her. She didn’t even say congrats on my fresh new baby.
She’s really holding it against me for not being there when she was pregnant but I can’t help but have a hard time understanding why she’d expect me to be there for her after she told me she didn’t want to be my friend in the first place. She didn’t even text me to tell me she was pregnant. She sent an announcement in the mail then a baby shower invite 6 months later. She’s also upset I wasn’t more supportive of her during my postpartum period because of some health issues she had but never told me about. How would you guys feel/ how would you handle it? I feel completely gaslit and wondering if I’m crazy. Am I the asshole here?
NTA – Your “friend” has severe main character syndrome.
If I were you I would let her have it with both barrels for her selfishness, tell her exactly how much you were struggling when she abandoned you and that she expects you to run after her when she was such a terrible friend to you when you actually needed her is actually laughable.
Then block her and forget her. You don’t need someone like that in your life – and you managed perfectly well for all the time she wasn’t in your life, didn’t you?
NTA – She wasn’t there for you, and expects you to be there for her.
I wouldn’t talk to her at all. She was cruel at a time you were in need and cut you out. She only wants back in because she wants something or is now understanding how lonely having a newborn can be. NTA
NTA. She is not someone you need as a friend, this person is immensely toxic and will always put herself first.
I know someone like this and keep them at arms length after a couple of major instances pulled the remaining cotton wool away from my eyes.
Not sure why your still talking to her. She’s self centred. Cut her out of your life and move on.
NTA- she may have been your friend once but she isn’t anymore. Sorry. And the fact she is still trying to make you the bad guy is really just evidence of that. Time to cut your losses and move on. xx
No you’re NTA, but I wouldn’t continue this “friendship”. She sounds like a biatch, being kind of hypocritical/double standard no? This isn’t a friendship worth having if it’s only good on her terms.
As they say, you can’t have your cake and eat it too
Some people are in your life for a “season” and they and you move on.
Y’all’s “season” is over.
She is not your friend. Stop holding onto an ideal of what you had and cut her off. NTA for not being there, but you’re being the AH to yourself by letter her treat you like this.
NTA. She’s not your friend, the sooner you realise that the better.
NTA… she wasn’t there for you in your hardest moments & said she didn’t want to be your friend anymore because you weren’t there for her… it’s like the tr*sh took itself out.
I’m sorry she did this to you. You deserve better
NTA: She didn’t want a friend, she wanted an audience and helper.
NTA, but why are you doing this to yourself? Cut the toxicity out of your life and move on. She’s not worth it.
NTA. That’s not a friend and you know it. I don’t get how you can feel guilty about any of it