so for context, i am taking a gap year and working. but since its the winter, my job slashed my hours in half. i don’t have as much money and i’m saving for college. with that in mind, i bought people little things. i bought my other cousin a bigger gift, but nothing at all for my other cousin.
my reasoning is that i’m not close with him. he’s spoiled and get everything he wants. for the past few years he’s gotten really big gifts. why does he need a 40$ pair of boxing gloves to open on christmas from me ? my aunt sent me a ton of links and things that he wants so he can have something to open on christmas because his big gift isn’t arriving in time. but, i have not had a conversation with this kid for like 2 years. he doesn’t hug me or say goodbye when we leave other family gatherings, why should i give him anything ?
but i’m worried that once my aunt sees my single bag of christmas gifts she’s going to flip and ask where his present is. or make me give him 20$.
edit: i also thought i’d add that this is my first christmas as an adult and buying people gifts. i’m not totally sure what to do. i bought most of the presents for people i actually have a relationship with. that was my mentality.
edit 2: i’m getting the kid candy. presents have not been exchanged yet, so there is time. no one knows about this but me.
YTA. He is 12. Blame his parents. Get him something small.
YTA
Why are you deliberately excluding a frikkin’ kid???
You got a list of stuff he wants from his mother – you’re absolutely not required to buy him an expensive gift off of his mother’s shopping list, but the list itself should be enough to give you an idea of something small that would still suit his interests.
YTA. It would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that you got a gift for your other cousin: If you’re getting something for the kid’s sibling, then it’s going to look really bad if you don’t get something for him, too. Something small would be totally fine: even a gift card is better than nothing.
Just get him a selection box. It doesn’t have to be from their list and if they complain the chocolate isnt good enough then you get extra chocolate and he gets nothing. NTA. Just get him something small
YTA. The fact that you’re willing to show up with a gift for one cousin and not the other cements it.
Your hours got cut and pay reduced. You’re not in charge of subsidizing his gifts because his mom didn’t plan better.
NTA
YTA If you present the gift for one sibling in front of the other without also getting a gift for the other sibling.
NTA if you privately give one sibling a gift without getting the other sibling a gift.
You can save yourself from looking like TA by also just getting the other sibling something small and impersonal.
You should still buy a small gift. Like candy or a small toy.
YTA. He’s 12. Not even going to comment on “I bought my other cousin a bigger gift”; wtaf. If you disagree with how his parents are raising him, pack that away and use it to decide how you’re going to parent if ever that happens. Not the kid’s fault how his parents raise him. And no 12 year old is going to be confronted with not getting a gift WHEN OTHERS DO GET ONE and think “ah well that’s fair; I don’t like to hug her”. News flash: you’re not close to him because YOU DON’T MAKE THE EFFORT TO BE CLOSE TO HIM. He’s 12 ffs. If you haven’t had a conversation with him for 2 years that is 10000000% on you. Sounds like YOU’RE the spoiled one–and jealous that this kid has an easier life than you do. Be better.
YTA for excluding him. I get you don’t have a relationship with him but you can’t find a cool pair of socks or a beanie or something in your price range? You also never really explained how you have tried making an effort with him. It sounds like you are putting the relationship expectations all on him. “ mHe does hug me when he leaves”, do you ask for a hug? Do you try and have conversations with him? I’m confused how this is all the fault of a 12 year old.
Gentle YTA. Yeah you’re not as close, but it’s still not right to completely blow him off when you’re together on Christmas, especially when you’re getting a gift for your other cousin.
You should get him something but keep it very small, like $15 max. Maybe a couple pins with his favorite cartoon character or something related to one of his interests.
He’s a kid. You either buy for all the kids in a category (cousins, nieces/nephews) or none of them. You don’t get to say “yeah I like this kid more than that kid”. I’m sure relatives still bought you presents even if years where you were an annoying teen. Pay it forward.
That said, it’s also okay to do something small. Candy, a card with $20, etc.
Completely agree. All or none. I think being a brand new adult, either is ok. But not someone and not another. But it also doesn’t have to be expensive.
It should be gifts for all kids or no gifts at all. YTA