So here’s the situation. My fiancée (25F) and I (26M) are planning our wedding for next year, and we’ve already got a house and a young daughter together. The issue is about pets in the house. My fiancée comes from a family where they always had multiple pets inside. Her mom currently has like four dogs and four cats all living indoors. Meanwhile, I was raised differently. We had dogs, but they were outdoor dogs. We took great care of them, but they never came inside.
Now that we have our own place, I’ve told my fiancée I don’t want any pets indoors because I have severe allergies to cats and dogs. My fiancée actually recently got tested and found out she’s allergic to cats and dogs too, she just never realized it because she grew up around them. Plus, I just wasn’t raised with the idea of animals living inside, and I feel strongly about keeping the house free of pet hair and potential damage. I’ve offered to get an outdoor dog and make sure it has a great setup with a nice doghouse, plenty of space, and all the care it needs.
But my fiancée and her mom think I’m being unreasonable. Her mom even said that I’d have to eventually accept a dog inside the house and that it’s just how they do things. They kind of make me feel like I’m the asshole for sticking to my boundaries, even though it’s largely about my allergies and how I grew up.
So, AITA for not wanting pets inside and insisting on keeping any dog outdoors?
Edit: I understand having no pets at all seems like an easy fix, but stating that we can’t have pets at all to my fiancée (and her mom) is equally as bad to them as saying we’d have to have them outside.
NAH
But you aren’t future compatible. Better to rip the bandaid off now. The resentment from you or your fiancee will come in time.
The two of you are incompatible. You should not get married.
Well, as a former pet sitter and lifelong pet owner, I feel it’s better not to have a dog than to get one that must be relegated to an outdoor area. Dogs are pack animals. They need to hang with their “pack” and being domesticated, they enjoy human company. Sorry about your allergies but this is not a good option for dogs.
This feels like something which should have been discussed earlier in the relationship…
I’m gonna say YTA for wanting an outdoor dog. With few exceptions (working dogs, for example), that’s just a shitty way for an animal to exist. I don’t care that it’s “how you were raised.” Just don’t get a pet. Or get a pet that you’re not allergic to that you can keep in the house.
YTA. If your pet can’t be in your home as part of your family, then don’t get a pet.
And I really doubt OP’s family took “great care” of outdoor dogs. Shedding and the occasional damage are part of having a pet, not a reason to keep them away from the family. There’s no way outdoor dogs were getting the love and attention they needed to feel like an integrated and valued part of the family. Even working dogs come inside. Even kenneled dogs have an indoor kennel!
ESH. Wanting pets in the house when your spouse has allergies is awful. Having a pet who never gets to come in the house is also awful. They don’t want a “great setup,” they want to be with their people. Please, just don’t get a pet. Please.
YTA if you get pets. NAH if you decide on no pets.
They belong inside with a loving family. They’re only part of your world but you’re their whole world.
YTA both of you. How did you all get to the point of being fiancés without this discussion. It’s absolutely ridiculous when it’s a major lifestyle concern.
ESH for not figuring this out BEFORE having a child and moving in together. There is no compromise on pets vs no pets. If you get an outdoor dog ESH for neglecting it. If you get an indoor pet you will resent her for your allergies and for the mess. If you don’t get an indoor pet she will resent you for making her life incomplete. I’m fully on team pets and wouldn’t have married someone who wouldn’t let me have pets.
ESH for not having this conversation *before* building a life and owning a home together. Outside pets only would be a deal breaker for me, personally.
Living only outside is a sad life for a dog who doesn’t have a job. There are low allergen pets. My standard poodle doesn’t trigger my family members with allergies, for example, nor did my Maltese.
Animals teach empathy and unconditional love. Good things for children to learn and experience.
Soft YTA since this is no surprise
YTA. Wtf does anyone get dogs and then never let them in the house. And just like OP, they claim to take care of them. Dogs are pack animals. This is a huge red flag and deal breaker for me.
Regardless of your experience growing up, please do not get a dog just to keep it outside. Even if it has a “great setup” you’re depriving a very social, human-oriented creature of the type of interaction and affection it needs. Not cool. There are hypoallergenic breeds of cats and dogs that you can look into, as well, to hopefully help ease your allergies.