Our baby is currently 4 months old. When pregnant I had every intention that I would drive to my in laws so they could spend time with her. My partner had 6 weeks paternity and whilst our daughter is a dream on the way over to his parents she cries her heart out on the way home and we have to find somewhere to stop. I told my partner I was sorry but didn’t feel comfortable driving to see them with her. I drive to see my family which is county roads up to 40 minutes. His parents are an hour away via the motorway. Even just a few weeks back the same thing happened and we were stuck in traffic. Once we decided to come off the motorway to find somewhere to settle her it still took 30 minutes. That journey took 3 hours to get home. I have suggested his parents coming here but all I get are excuses. His sister, who lives with her parents has a dog who can’t be left on his own. He is unable to come to ours as we have two cats and it would be unfair on them. They have a pet sitter for their rabbit but they charge £60 a day (something like this for the dog) so haven’t used them. Am I being unreasonable by thinking that if they were really that bothered his sister could at least bring his Mum over and his Dad could watch the dog? I’m tired of this expectation on me and being made to feel like the bad one
For a bit more context:
His parents are both retired
They are the same age as my Dad but you would think they were older
Both of my parents are still working
Their health isn’t great which seems to be used as an excuse for them driving – (they seem to manage to get to other places). I said if they got the train I would go and collect them from the station. I get discount so it would be very cheap but the response to that if they were going somewhere they would drive
Please let me know your thoughts and any suggestions you may have
**Just to add my step Dad has offered to come with me so we will be planning a visit in the New Year when my partner is back at work**
NTA, as my mom always says “the road goes both ways”. You’ve got a big bargaining chip with the baby, if they want to see her they can make the drive!
No, when your baby is very young it’s completely reasonable to expect people to drive to you. It’s actually bad for young babies to be in car seats for long durations. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you – if they want to see your baby they can come visit you, end of. Their ridiculous excuses need to stop.
If they can’t be bothered to come to their grandchild to spend time with her, they don’t actually don’t want to spend time with her.
Your MIL and FIL could come without their daughter.
You offered a solution, which is totally fair. You shouldn’t have to be the one to do all of the driving around. It takes two to tango.
NTA.
NTA. However, lower your expectations now. This is how things started with my mother and using her cat as an excuse. If we don’t drive to her, we don’t see her. She hasn’t came to see the kids in two or three years now and has never even been here for Christmas and my kids are now teenagers. Stand firm. The road goes both directions, and if they want to see her more, they can put forth some effort. Don’t get your hopes up though.
It feels like you’re all making excuses as to why you can’t make a pretty short trip. If you really wanted to, you could. But it’s not required. If you all feel it’s too much trouble to see each other you just won’t see each other. NAH.
With your baby being as young as she is and the problems with traffic, it is perfectly reasonable to ask them to come visit you. And to refuse to make that drive at this stage in your daughters life. In a year or so it’ll be completely different. Your husband should be having this conversation with his parents, not you.
Just type ‘baby’
JFC
I know! I spent way too long trying to figure out what LO meant before deciding to read and figure it out from context.
I hate hate hate all the Reddit acronyms. LO and DH are my absolute least favorites of all, so gross.
LO is annoying but DH (and its variations for other family members) makes me want to respond with a puke emoji.
You do you but there is really no difference between driving 45 min hom and driving an hour home. Babies generally are either pretty chill or pretty easily revved up. If your daughter doesn’t travel well right now then it appropriate to tell people they’ll have to come to you. But making that a rule for only your husband’s family make you the AH. They live similar distances so either they all travel to you or you travel to them.
ESH. Your arrangements seem a bit biased toward your own parents. The baby is ok over 40 mins to see them but not 60 mins to see your ILs? But your ILs can certainly come up with a way to visit you sometimes.
Fawk just spell out little one. So lazy.
NTA- it is eleventy billion times easier for someone to come visit a baby, than for the parents to try to load up the baby, all their supplies, drive, and listen to a baby scream when you can’t do anything to soothe them.
When my niblings were born, my sister let everyone know if they wanted to see the baby they could come to her, she wasn’t “loading a metric fuck ton of baby crap” to visit people.