So today we were going to my cousins house and in the car was A (24F) me (16F) , R (12F) and my dad. So we’re a Muslim family, and my dad is religious. In the car, R wasn’t wearing a hijab. My dad said to her to "why aren’t you wearing a scarf?" And she said "Why?" And he proceeded to say "Because I said so" and she went out the car and didn’t come with us. The reasoning he gave and he way he spoke didn’t sit right with me so later at night time I said to him:
Me: I didn’t like how you spoke to R today
Dad: what did I say?
Me: You said "because I said so when she asked why she needed to wear a scarf"
Dad: what’s wrong with that?
Me: she will grow up to resent islam, instead you should’ve given her an Islamic reasoning behind it
Him: what I said should’ve been good enough
Me: it’s not good enough, there you should have given her a reasoning
And I left the room. After that I told A (my sister in the car) and she said "Why are you telling dad how to parent?" "She’s obviously knows why because she wears it to school everyday" and I replied that she doesn’t know why, she just knows she has to wear a scarf. Now I think I was wrong for confronting my dad.
I feel bad, I wasn’t trying to tell him how to parent but rather give feedback and he said the same thing to me and my sisters growing up and im actively trying to heal my relationship with religion separate from what others place on me. I had no intention of telling my dad how to parent. I was thinking of apologising but I think an apology would magnify the situation and make it look like I’ve done something wrong. AITA?
No you’re absolutely right, it’s 2025, parents shouldn’t be using the ‘because I said so’ line anymore and instead actual teach their children why we do things
thank you!!! I felt guilty because of what my sister said and didn’t want it to come off in a rude way. Hopefully my dad doesn’t take it in that way.
Your sister just ate it so she expects you both to slurp it up also. Sorry you have to deal with not only an oppressive culture and religion but also an oppressive father.
NTA. Your dad fails to see that his approach will only cause resentment in your sister towards islam. You seem to understand that your sister should be encouraged to develop her own understanding of religion.
NTA. ‘Because I said so’ isn’t a reason and it is lazy ass parenting. She asked a legitimate question that deserved a legitimate answer.
NTA. You’re absolutely right. It’s just plain poor/lazy parenting. It works for awhile with little kids, but past a certain age (and 12 is certainly past that age), smart kids see arbitrary authority for what it is. “Because I said so” (or “because I’m the adult”, “because she’s the teacher”, etc.) feels good and convenient for the adult, and it’s facile to build a case for the importance of kids doing as they’re told no matter what, but it is a house of cards; once a kid has enough language skills to have a conversation, every time “because I said so” is used, it loses more and more of its effective power and eventually goes into negative power…driving malicious compliance or outright defiance.
Because I said so and other thought terminating cliche are meant to instill obedience not belief?
Can any of you actually choose not to wear it? Because if you aren’t making an informed decision you’re just letting someone decide for you 🤷♀️
NTA
NTA. This is ridiculous controlling behavior by your dad. Who knows, she may break away from the Muslim faith, I don’t think he should dictate how she dresses, but his home his rules.
Could do with a little more context here.
What country do you live in?
Are you and your family practicing Muslims?
Does your younger sister care about religion, Islam, believe in God?
If you live in an Islamic country, then I don’t see too much of an issue with your Father saying that. Because women are expected to wear a hijab, and trying to explain all the reasons why they must wear it to a 12 year old when you’re heading out the door is a bit much.
I can at least commend you for sharing your opinion in private, that’s the mature approach..
I suppose he also doesn’t have to value your opinion on his parenting over his child,?
NTA. I was forced to wear dresses and skirts to church because my mother said so. It fucked me up for a long time about my femininity, and wearing girlie clothes. I’m in my late twenties and for the first time in my life I’ve bought myself a couple of dresses.
NTA, sounds like you’re a very mature person
NTA You weren’t telling your father how to be a parent; you were telling him how to be a person, a person who respects other people. There is no requirement in the Quran for women or girls to cover their hair. It’s not there. It’s pre-Islamic culture. What it does say is that there is no complusion in religion. (2:256) you are right that if he forces her to follow his rules, she may reject both him.and his rules. Keep standing up.for your sister.