For context, I met this guy online and we have been very close friends for 13 years now but as of this year he has slowly been getting more and more worse.
It initially started with in the later half of this year trying to hold nearly any conversation with him and just immediately being ignored while he discusses what he wants to talk about. It would get to a point in which I would ask for something like asking for advice and would have to repeat myself multiple times through text while he just goes on a rant about whatever he is into all the while ignoring anything I say.
This had already been a very frustrating experience for a good few months now and I did not voice my opinions initially since he generally does not like to admit whenever he is in the wrong and it makes it beyond difficult to come to a middle ground on anything.
Anyway, he meets this one girl online and they seem to be very friendly which results in him generally ditching me to play with her half the times we try to schedule something. When I noticed this I immediately call it out saying "Are you playing with your ekitten" to him as a slight tease but also as a way to get his attention because I was quite frankly frustrated to just find out I got ditched after making plans and dropping my other plans to hang out and play games with him.
However, the thing that finally made me blow up on him was not this but the fact that a month ago I had to almost go to the hospital for an emergency and I had only told a few friends. Everyone reacted accordingly saying what’s going on etc but he was the only person that didn’t even notice and proceeds to dm me memes and going off on rants about wokeness in video games. After this happened I chose not to respond to him and for nearly TWO weeks he had dmed me every other day whether it be a meme or a message with me not responding.
After a while of this constant dming I got fed up and proceeded to tell him how I felt about not being listened to and being treated poorly as he abandons me to play with his female friend he met (they arent even dating for further context). After mentioning this in explicit detail he proceeds to be confused and say he didn’t take the ekitten joke seriously/snap back after I said it (which he tended to get very defensive after any time I made a joke similar to that whether it be in VC or text). Along with this in the response he gave he generally just comes off defensive and trying to come up with justifications for his actions. The thing that generally made me the most mad is he just outright ignores the point in regards to me not being listened to and just goes off on how he thought that i was thinking that he was "bragging" about the girl which I very clearly never thought. As well, his response for even any form of apology was pretty much "im sorry you took my response to your ekitten jokes the wrong way".
AITA for blowing up on him and do I even bother continuing the conversation with him?
EDIT: NTA. What, he’s never been interested in a girl before?
Actually yeah! he has really terrible takes on women and he generally has really high standards and calls the most average women “ugly and shouldn’t bother trying to find love”
Wow, sounds like a real winner there–why would you be friends with someone like that for THIRTEEN YEARS?
To be honest I just was always really lonely and never had any friends growing up so I really just struggled to let go especially knowing him this long. He started to hurt me a lot more throughout this year so it really woke me up especially when I found new people in my life who treated me better
Well, given the context you’ve provided, I’ll change my vote. NTA.
He’s not your friend…
I’m not really convinced he even likes you
NTA
NTA, and 13 years is a long time but I would seriously consider evaluating your reasons to continue this friendship.
ESH. He isn’t a mind reader, you have to actually say when you need help or when he’s hurt your feelings by bailing. Yeah he’s an AH for skipping plans and taking over conversations but you are overreacting to the issues and doing a passive aggressive silent treatment instead of talking. In your title you mention the cause is who he’s dating but that seems like it has nothing to do with your issue, he’s allowed to have a life outside of you and he’s still in contact daily which is a lot.
Why are you friends? Do either of you even like each other? You both sound like middle schoolers
sounds like kids. kids who hate each other.
So not a real friend then? No one you ever met? Not a real relationship of any sort?
YTA. Close friends with someone you never met? Close friends with someone who just vents at you and ignores what you have to say? Close friends with someone who ditches you on play dates? Close friends with someone who ignores your medical crisis? To judge from this post, you have no conception of what a friend is, let alone a close one. Go meet some people.