Am I the asshole for referring to a former employee as "she was like my work wife" in a conversation that included my real wife? This individual was brought up in conversation by other people at the party who had mentioned that they ran into her out and about. Her ex-husband was also brought up in relation to her new husband (a much healthier relationship). Playfully, and in a way that I felt was appropriately hyperbolic, I said "She was like my work wife." My actual wife gave me an angry look, so I elaborated/clarified that I meant we had a close working relationship. I could trust her and she was easy to communicate with, blah blah blah. I cannot emphasize enough that the here was NOTHING EVER romantic or inappropriate between us. We became friends, and I respected her. End of story. She was also friends (probably closer friends) with my wife. After making the comment, and seeing that my wife did not appreciate it, I did my best to backtrack and explain what I meant. Maybe I misused the parlance. I don’t think I did, but maybe I used parlance that means different things to different people. I got the cold shoulder and the silent treatment for the rest of the evening. She wouldn’t even stand next to me in any party photos. I was mortified and embarrassed. I had acknowledge that I made a gaffe as soon as I saw her reaction. But was it such a horrible gaffe worthy of the aggression at the party and a berating on the way home? I have since googled the term "work wife," and get a result that basically says "platonic coworker" WHICH IS THE WAY THAT I MEANT IT. I don’t feel like I screwed up as terribly as she seems to feel that I have. I’m usually the first to admit that I’m a fuck up, but I’m having trouble seeing it here. I don’t want to poke the bear, but I am furious at her for making such a huge deal about this and ruining the party for us. Am I in the wrong? Should I be groveling or digging my heals in right now?
Side note, it’s annoying that I can’t use an em dash without reddit thinking I’m using AI and forcing me to rewrite my post.
EDIT: Well alrighty. The resounding opinion is that I have screwed up and misspoke. I am humbled and feel like an ass. I guess I go the groveling route.
Yes “work wife” is not a good description. YTA.
YTA
You let your wife call someone that. You never ever say it.
Obviously YTA. Seriously man. It was such a dumb thing to say. You could have just mentioned the rest Instead. You embarrassed your wife. No wonder she was pissed
I am not even married and I would be pissed if my partner was going around using those terms…
It’s inappropriate
YTA. You can’t expect your wife to be told she is replaced by an employer and not expect you to be either cheating, neglectful or disrespectful to her.
Women already know what you meant. You’re way too intimate with your employee and tbh, no shit she is pissed. Tbh , we already know who you would pick if your wife comes to pass. Horrible
Regardless if your wife is a jealous person or not. I wouldn’t ever use the term “work wife/husband”. It’s tactless and distasteful to your significant other.
YTA Referring to or thinking about a coworker as your “work wife” or “work husband” is very weird and inappropriate in general and regardless of context. Calling someone else your work-wife *to* your actual wife is disrespectful as a start, and a potential sign of infidelity.
YTA. I get you didn’t mean any harm, but I’d say it should be a pretty well known that actual wives would not appreciate you saying that (especially in front of others). I have male coworkers that I’m friends with, but would never describe them as a work husband to my partner or in convo.
YTA. Big time. The term work wife is honestly gross, and to make that comment in front of your wife? Yikes. Just be glad she waited to berate you until you were on your way home instead of in front of everyone.
Yes you are.
YTA
Brave of you to call your coworker your Work Wife with your real wife next to you first off.
Never, EVER, say it first. If someone else says it or your wife then just chuckle it off.
View it from your her perspective, you called someone you work with for I would say 70% of your week. She would not feel great about it at all, not even a little.
Yup. Way to humiliate her directly.
YTA
Why not just say coworker? Or colleague? Fact that you said wife carries implication.
In my experience the phrase is used by people when they describe those they share mutual attraction and synergy, but are not involved with/can’t be involved with, so they just act out their little flirty fun whatever in the office. And it stays in the office, and is never actually cheating.
But it’s still a distinct thing from just “coworker” Else, you would have said “coworker.”
You fucked up, dumbass.
YTA. Even the initial explanation sounded like the beginning of a very slippery slope to emotional cheating. Someone you trust so much that she’s comparable to a spouse? If the shoe was on the other foot it would likely send your mind racing.
YTA, people really need to stop using this term. Calling a co-worker your work spouse is so inappropriate, especially if you’re actually married.