Context: 30 years old, adult, male. I live on my own. Mother is 60 years old.
Normal healthy motherly concern? Or AITA for feeling irritated by it and perceiving it very condescending? My text was verbatim: "Are you at Jane’s still". There was wasn’t any "??????!!" added to the end, no all caps, nor were there any attempted calls or something paired with it that would suggest I’m in some sort of urgent need and everything ***is not ok***.
Typing all this out almost makes me wonder if I’m completely overthinking it… but I felt immediately irritated seeing her reply with some implication that I am needy, helpless, or would even text something so casual if I genuinely required something urgent.
I don’t have some type of history requiring urgent help, nor am I at risk of any real emergency as if I were constantly out & about often or something. Quite the opposite: she knows I’m inside 99% of the time lately working on a project. I was about to respond about how it was condescending or annoying to reply with that implication but I held back and thought about asking here if I’m just being an asshole lol.
I think your majorly overreacting. Your mom’s response was pretty normal, usually when your looking to see where someone is its because you need them for something. Example: “are you at the store?” “Do you need something.”
Especially if you started the convo asking where she is, her response was pretty normal. Your being a little oversensative immedianly thinking her response = her thinking your needy.
Yeah, if someone texted me that, I’d assume they needed something/wanted to know if I was free to help or talk or something. It seems like a normal reaction, especially for a parent.
Although family and mothers particularly may frustrate you sometimes especially when you’re already stressed and irritated by other things in life, it’s typical for mothers to want to check on their children’s well being sometimes for absolutely no reason. Maybe they want to check in on you, maybe they caught a vibe that you weren’t doing well since mothers know their children so well, whatever the case it’s helpful to remember that they always have the best intentions for their children (I know this depends on the mother and family but in this case it does seem that she was genuinely concerned) so I would say YTA in this specific situation
YTA for presuming that you need to monitor your mother’s whereabouts. You could have provided more reasoning or context for your question to her. She doesn’t have to check in with you.
This is so minor I cannot in good faith call you an AH. You are very much over thinking this though. NAH.
YTA. Your mom is just replying in a normal motherly way. It’s as if saying – yes, do you need something here? It isn’t inplying you’re needy or helpless. It’s just a mom’s way of responding.
Also – as a side note – You’ll always be her baby – so she’ll always care if you’re okay.
Mums have a knack for rubbing us the wrong way. Even when they are behaving like totally normal human beings
Ask yourself if you would be as irritated if it was anyone apart from your mum?
Yes YTA.
YTA. Why were you asking in the first place? At the very least it’s a bit rude way of starting a conversation. You’re looking way too into it though. A doesn’t sound condescending to me at all.
YTA
Reconstructing the events (for future reference, don’t put important info in the title and leave it out of the body of the story), it seems the text thread went:
OP: Are you at Jane’s still?
Mom: Is everything OK?
You mentioned that you don’t have a history of not being OK, but even so, I just don’t see where anyone would be an AH based on these eight words exchanged over SMS.
YTA
You sound like you’re 12.
That’s a very normal parent response.
I would read “is everything okay” as “I’m in the middle of something [at Jane’s? Driving home?] but will put aside what I’m doing if you need to talk to me.”