Hello, this post feels a little childish so I do apologise for that.
I (21f) live with my parents and 3 siblings, and on Christmas Eve we make surprise drinks. My brother (24m) was counting glasses and asked how many I had in my room, I said i think 2, he countered that he thought we had six so i said ‘oh that’s probably right then’ as I wasn’t aware of any being broken recently.
I then went into the living room to watch over our dog as our parents were at the shops and our dog gets very restless without them. My room is directly above the living room so I could hear movement, and called out to ask if my brother had gone in there, he walked out and said he was, and had now confirmed the number of glasses.
I was upset by this and told him not to go in my room, that’s it’s my private space, and straightaway he cut me off to say he just needed to know how many glasses we had. I said again that it is the only private space I have in the house and if I knew he was going to do that, I would have quickly gone up before sitting back down with our dog.
He told me to shut up and that I was being dramatic, and then i went from upset to frustrated, saying again that it is my space and he is not allowed to waltz in whenever he wants. He made a comment that comes up every time we argue, saying “here comes the drama queen again” and said he knows it’s my room. At this point i was just angry and retorted that he clearly didn’t seem to know that it’s ‘my fucking space’ if he didn’t see the problem with going in there without permission. shouting ensued, he called me dramatic and an attention seeker, I called him a selfish and a dick.
(For a bit of backstory, I’m a victim of dv/sa so my space is very important to me, and my brother and i have also had multiple conversations where i’ve expressed being called a drama queen can be quite triggering as i received the same responses when i was upset over understandable issues like the dv.)
I think I may be the asshole because my history has made me overly sensitive to having a private and ‘safe’ space and getting so upset/angry over a pretty childish insult. I may also be the asshole because while we’ve had conversations about the name calling, I don’t remember ever expressing to him how important my room is to me. A final point is that if i had brought the glasses downstairs as soon as i was done, none of this would have started. (maintenance of both myself and my room is something i struggle with and while im trying to be better, i know i have a long way to go.)
In my defence, I have always known to knock and ask before entering somebody’s room, that if they say no, that’s their space and their right, that’s something that all of my siblings grew up being taught and what I believe to be a pretty standard expectation.
TLDR: AITA for shouting at my brother and calling him a dick for going in my room and calling me a drama queen
EDIT FOR EXTRA INFO: there are 6 of a specific glass, but we have a cabinet of glasses that usually needs to be double stacked
2nd EDIT: he does not need the glasses, he wanted to know how many there were and that number had already been confirmed. my room was going to be (and now has been) tidied once my parents were back home to look after our dog. I do not have ‘piles of dirty dishes attracting flies’, i had two glasses used for water that are from Friday and Saturday.
ESH. It is your parents’ space.
YTA You’re hoarding your family’s glasses in your bedroom. You were aware your brother needed them and didn’t go retrieve them. You threw a fit because he went into your room.
Stop hoarding your parent’s glasses in your bedroom. You’re old enough to know that you shouldn’t be keeping a bunch of dirty dishes in your bedroom.
Here is where you are the asshole – by not taking your dirty dishes to the kitchen and washing them. There is no excuse for that. Had you acted like an adult and not left dirty glasses in your room (obviously for days) your brother wouldn’t be trying to find them. And, once you confessed to having them there, why didn’t you go and get them?
Sorry, but YTA
ESH, I find this also a bit childish on your end. What would knocking do? You weren’t in your room. He wanted to quickly check due to your glasses conversation and resulting confusion. If someone brings laundry and your door isnt closed and you’re not in, do you expect them to stand outside?
ESH. Your family of six people has six drinking glasses and you kept two in your room when you were done using them?
Yes, starting a fight over him going into your room was childish. Your brother also sucks because his reaction was childish and dismissive, but you both acted like squabbling children here.
Get a lock for your door, don’t take dishes into your room, and if someone asks you how many dirty dishes are in your room, it means you need to take all of the dirty dishes out of your room.
YTA you did overreact. You were not in the room, so knocking would be pointless. He needed the glasses from your room. You shouldn’t have a pile of dirty dishes and glasses in your room. It attracts bugs and it prevents the rest of the family from using those items.
For those who have suggested a lock with OP having the only key…that is a safety issue and also over dramatic. If OP were very ill or there was a fire, no one would be able to get to them.
In our house, no one ever locks their door. I purposefully showed everyone how to unlock the doors from the outside with a small tool provided by the builder. Safety issue.
However, we all knock before entering a room. If we know the room is empty, we go in without knocking to round up dirty dishes, drop off laundry or whatever. No one snoops or rummage through another person’s things. We just don’t.
I am sorry about your SA. Been there myself. You can’t allow your own mental health issues become someone else’s problem. I have a real issue with people coming up from behind me. I don’t like sitting with my back to the room. I always try to sit where I can see who is coming in. I know this is related to what happened to me. My family and really close friends know about this, so when we go to restaurants they let me pick my seat first. If we happened to get seated quickly or I end up in the “wrong” seat for whatever reason, I don’t make a big deal out of it. I don’t like it. I am uncomfortable, but I don’t make everyone else’s problem.
If you had taken care of your own mess, no one would have been in your room.
Yta if you are leaving family supplies in your room when they are needed. There is no reason cups should pile up as you should take back the old cup and wash it before bringing a new cup in. I had a similar situation where my roommate would have all the household spoons in her room and I would need to enter so I could collect spoons to wash and use. It was frustrating to not be able to freely use spoons in my own home, and the fruit flies from dirty dishes in her room were a nuisance.
ESH. I think you just didn’t feel like going upstairs to get the glasses and used the dog as an excuse. But he also sucks for going into your room and calling you a drama queen. And why are you hoarding special glasses in your room? I understand you have other glasses, but why are you keeping specialty drink glasses in your room?
YTA.
You’re an adult, not a toddler. If someone says, “Hey I’m trying to find all of this specific glass,” and you think you have some in your bedroom, **YOU** need to go and get them. Instead, you did the childish, self-absorbed thing and didn’t bother. So your brother had to go looking for the glasses, since you couldn’t be bothered.
I fully understand your room being your private sanctuary space. I get it. I’m the same way. Which is why, anytime someone asked if I had a certain shared item in my room, ***I*** went to my room and brought it out to them.
You can’t have it both ways. Either you get the item someone needs from your room or they do.
I agree with what you’re saying and he’d needed them, i would have gotten them and cleaned them as i’d used them. he simply wanted to count them and we knew how many there were. when he went up, he didn’t get them, he just counted, but we’d already confirmed the number. I sometimes struggle to understand tone/implications so someone saying ‘how many of these glasses are there?’ means i’ll answer the question and that’s all that’s needed, the plan was for me to watch over our dog until our parents came home in a half hour and then i’d be tidying my room
Yta. Come on
NTA, redditors are genuinely stupid