I (23F) had a sister (24F), we’re both unemployed and we occupy the whole 2nd floor of our parent’s house having separate rooms. Ever since we were young, we shared every space together, the bathroom, the bedroom, even the stairs to the second floor of our house. It was a few years ago that we finally had separate bedrooms.
You maybe wondering why we haven’t moved out and why we don’t have a job yet despite both being degree holders, I am a government scholar in our country and I am currently reviewing for my board exams this March 2026 while waiting for my teaching item, as for my sister, well, she had a job last year at a big company as a cashier but her contract ended after 5 months of working there and she just didn’t had any job after that.
When she had her job, she had to move away because her schedule doesn’t allow her to travel 2 cities which was the distance between her job and our house, so it was basically just me and my mom at that time (my father’s job is in another province so he rarely comes home). My sister’s room was a mess and I had been asking her to clean before she went away. As a good sister, I decided to clean her room so that when her contract ends, she will come home to a clean bedroom. I do most of the cleaning when she was away, our spaces were clean because of me.
Fast forward to now, I had enough. It was like she’s expecting me to clean after her again, all of our shared spaces can go for weeks without cleaning despite me reminding her that it was her time to clean it because, again, it’s our shared space. Because we were still in our parent’s house, if she doesn’t clean, I was scolded as well, despite reminding her multiple times to do it. So now, I just clean up after myself. If I clean the stairs and the bathroom, it would be sparkling, expect that my room would be too. Her room, facing the stairs, will be left untouched. After I cleaned, I would remind her again and again that it was now her time to clean and I would not clean for her again just so we would not get scolded.
It was so frsutrating to clean up after a grown woman who stays inside all day doomscrolling on her devices. I had a lot of job offerings on my feed but I stopped sending those to her because she does not look eager for a job, she would just send her resume and expect the employers to hire her even after I told her she should go there and pass her resume directly. I stopped her from being too dependent on me by doing all of these, but of course she still does. So, am I the asshole for not cleaning up after my sister?
NTA for not cleaning up after her anymore, but if your parents are scolding yall for not keeping things clean, then they should be the ones saying something to her, not you. That would be the easiest way to solve the situation.
Unrelated to your question, but I think you are the asshole for not working. You talk down on your sister for not getting a job. Yet you’re sitting there not working too, not doing anything. Your exams are four months from now. There’s zero reason you couldn’t get a part time job in the meantime
Yeah, it’s like the commenter above who says they also live with their parents and sister because*life is too expensive* (only for them I guess, no way everyone else gets that too) then they write a wall of text about how unhappy they are, their sister doesn’t clean, etc. Get a job, get roommates, figure out adult life. Not you, commenter I am commenting on, obviously 😆OP and this person saying same.
Sorry, you must’ve misunderstood it. There’s a job already waiting for me when the next academic year starts next year, so my focus right now is to pass the exams. It’s also a high paying job thanks to the government. They also advised me and my fellow scholars to not take any jobs as it might mess up our endorsement schedule for next year (the government literally made jobs for us). I’m all set for a job literally, I’m just letting time pass by. Thanks for the comment tho! x
Clean, don’t clean, it doesn’t matter.
I’m sad for your sister that the illy job she could get was as a cashier two cities away. Do you live in the middle of nowhere? Have you asked her if she’s okay?
You’re a great person, I can tell
Sounds like depression to me
We’re kinda in the middle of nowhere so it’s really hard to have jobs near us. The job set up for me next year is a 5-10 minute commute from our house. My sister had a lot of job opportunities that are really great but she decides which job opportunity she would pursue (which aren’t that many), all of them resulted to not even giving her a call. I often offer her some of the great jobs I see that would be easier for her commute so she can still stay at our house but she thinks she’s “better” than the job opp so I just stopped offering her any :< I asked her if she’s okay with the setup she had at home and she said she’s fine. Literally a freeloader at our house so idk what to do abt her :<
So you haven’t asked if she’s okay? You haven’t inquired into her mental health or stability? You don’t have any discussions about emotions, or plans, or anything real? You prefer to keep the relationship as grow up little children arguing about who is doing their fair share of cleaning and not evolving as people?
Just to let you know, “I’m fine” is like waving a big red flag that everything is not okay, it’s your sign to ask deeper questions. People who are actually fine have no problems discussing things like normal, people who are not fine shut down and withdraw.
NTA. You shouldn’t even have to ask her to take care of her own living space. It’s a group effort. Her cleaning is mandatory for her living there and not only is she disrespecting you but she’s disrespecting everyone in the house.
As for a solution or an explanation, your sisters behavior seems concerning. I don’t know her or the full situation at all, but from someone who’s suffered with depression she is definitely showing warning signs. It seems to me like losing her job has caused her to feel hopeless and unmotivated. I dont know if you check in on her really, but I suggest having a heart-to-heart with her and just asking how she’s been feeling, why she’s unmotivated, and what you can do to help her, without judgement or pressure. Do some research on how to help too. I dont know if its in the budget or if you guys have any insurance, but therapy is always good for anyone. This doesn’t mean free her of any responsibility or criticism, but there needs to be genuine conversations without force, too.
Id talk with your parents as well about your concerns for your sisters mental health and motivation.
Good work, you’re preparing her for the real world.
I’m kinda in a similar situtation, me (F27) and my sister F(37) both live with our parents. The reason being in our country living costs are way to high and it’s impossible to move out unless you are moving with a partner or sharing with strangers. We both prefer living with our parents so we can save money until we can move out. Well, I’m also the one always cleaning, doing shopping, making lunch and even washing HER clothes. Her excus is that she is always tired after work, and it’s true that right now I’m not working, so I don’t mind helping a bit more cause I don’t want my mom doing all the work. But even when I was working I was still doing all the chores, I washed my own uniform when I came back from work (around 11pm) and did everything. Obviously my parents are not happy with her at all, but that’s the thing. I think your parents should realize the situation and not blame you when things are dirty, because even if you have your own space at home that is your responsability, is for the both of you and you shoudn’t have the pressure of your parents getting mad at you. If you wheren’g being scolded for your sister slacking, you woudn’t feel the pressure and need to clean after her. Your parents behavior is also enabling her to behave like that, even if you are grown adults, they should also realize the situation and say something to her, not you. So no, NTA.
Ugh when our parents scold us for not cleaning our space, she would even look at me as if I wasn’t actively cleaning our house. Like it’s my fault it got dirty again😩
NTA, I would even go the extra mile to put everything in her room/on her bed. If she won’t touch it in the common areas, she will have to deal with it when it’s in her bed. Dirty dishes, shoes, dirty laundry, etc. all of it straight on her bed!! You would still be NTA. She is a grown woman who should be taking responsibility for herself and her environment. She’s not because she hasn’t been made to.
Stop cleaning her mess, her room. If she can’t be responsible, it’s not your job to take over all the chores.
NTA Try to plan a big cleaning day with her once a month? Make it a fun thing, play some favorite music and suggest that once the cleaning is done, you enjoy a favorite meal together or watch a film with snacks.