So I’ve been married 11 years and my hubby has said multiple times that if it’s not important to him, then he shouldn’t have to participate. Likewise, if something is not important to me, I don’t need to participate. While I don’t agree with this, I’m going along with it. For now.
He’s in a band, think local orchestra, not rock. He’s always said I don’t have to go to the concerts.
His brother and brothers 2 kids are in the same band. Brother and 2 kids have lately been less than nice to me (not bad, just ignoring and not coming by. They live 5 houses away. I’ve still been going to theirs.)
AITA if I don’t go to the big year end holiday concert to support them since they have not been supportive of me, and I don’t enjoy listening to them play?
You are NTA, BUT: you have a choice to make. Be okay with receiving the cold shoulder, or suck it up and attend the concert to support your family. Someone will be upset either way – would you like it to be your husband’s family or you?
NTA. The rule is, “if it’s not important to you, you don’t need to participate.” So don’t. NTA
(I should say that I think this is a dumb rule, but that isn’t what you were asking.)
YTA for going along with something you don’t agree with for 11 years and thinking “for now” has an end date.
ESH fix your communication issues. 11 years and still doing petty stuff? If it’s important to your partner it should be to you as well. Likewise for him. Both of you get your head outta your ass and support each other. Or actually talk about when and why you want eachother to join or participate in a non asshole way.
Soft YTA – rise above. Seems like petty behavior to not go. Pick something else to blow off.
INFO: you said his family hasn’t been nicely to you “lately.” Did anything happen to cause this? Also is there anything of yours that your husband has refused to attend because it’s not important to him?
nta why go if there is no enjoyment? bad communications be well
ESH. Hm this is a tough one. Personally, I think it’s petty of you to not go out of spite. But I feel like you have a bigger problem at hand. I’d feel quite sad if my SO told me he won’t go somewhere with me, because he it’s not “important to him.” Of course, I wouldn’t force him to do every little thing with me, but I find it rather mean of him to say that to you. I don’t care for sports, but if my bf wanted me to go watch a Lakers game with him, I’d still go.
INFO: who is calling you TA?
ESH. It doesn’t matter if you like something or you don’t. If it matters to your spouse you show your ass up. Don’t be petty and punish your husband because you pissed off his family. There is way to much missing information to comment on why they don’t want to be around you.
There is however enough to say you and your husband both suck. Show up for each other when it counts. I’m not saying go to a movie you don’t like because he does, or that he needs to join book club because you enjoy it. I’m saying when it’s something big, like his music that he is passionate about, you show up. When you have something BIG that you truly care about and he doesn’t show, you’ll be back here complaining about that too.
NTA – if this is how yoir husband wants to have your interactions to be, that’s up to him so you’re set with not going to support him. Since his family is ignoring you, NTA for not going to see them play. Why go out of your way for people who don’t seem to care about you?
NTA but at the same time, I think it would be a great opportunity to remind your husband that even if something doesn’t matter to you, if it matters to someone you love, sometimes you suck it up and go because the person it matters to, matters to you.
So neither of you participate in things that are important to your spouse simply because it’s not important to you? How have you lasted 11 years? That’s a horrible rule for a marriage.
NTA but what is the point of being in relationships like this? Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t support you for the sake of supporting you (regardless of whether it’s his kind of thing), and you likewise don’t support him? It sounds so dreary and unfulfilling and totally lacking in love and connection. I don’t think you have to go to every single thing, but if you can’t muster up some enthusiasm and love for the things your spouse cares about because you’re happy to see your spouse happy, what are you even doing?