I (19) own my own car, she’s 25 years old and although she has her quirks I love her very much. A few days ago she started displaying a "service charging system, battery not charging" note on the dashboard (although she’s old, she’s a Cadillac so she has a lot of bells and whistles so I get fully written out notifications on my dash) and that concerned me so I decided to not drive it until I can get it serviced, and I’m leaving on a trip across the country today + she recently had to have her brake lines replaced so I’m pretty short on money rn so I decided to not get that looked at until I get back in January.
My brother (21) has been borrowing my/our dad’s/our mom’s cars when he can. Usually with permission but if the owner of the car is asleep he has a habit of just taking the car. On Friday at like 1 am he took my car to go to a casino that’s like 30 miles away and he was going to pick up a friend on the way, he did not ask me. Apparently our mom knew about this as well. The reasoning they gave me for this is "we thought you were asleep and didn’t want to wake you" they didn’t even check. I was awake. I was sitting in my room watching a movie and texting one of my friends. I only learned about this the next morning when I was making breakfast. My brother saw me up and awake and did not say anything about my car to me until our mom came in and asked him if he was able to jump start it. He was not. He apologized, but I feel like the apology was half assed and I am upset that I haven’t really gotten a full and direct apology from him.
Additionally, my car died when he was parked waiting to pick up his friend (again without my permission) and he threw everything that was in my passenger seat into the back seat which included my work uniform and my cane. I care less about the uniform and more about my cane as my cane was not in the way on the passenger side and I treat as an extension of myself. Seeing my cane in the backseat felt like a violation of myself. I feel disrespected for my ownership of my car and a disrespect for my things and my opinions.
I feel like I may be an asshole here because last night when we were hooking up jumper cables to my car to charge it a bit so we could move it into our driveway (so it doesn’t get ticketed while we are across the country) I snapped at my brother and screamed at him in the middle of the street. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I screamed at him like "we wouldn’t even be in this situation if you didn’t drain my fucking battery" and I know it ended with me saying "fuck me and fuck all my things I guess" as he walked away.
I feel like I haven’t gotten a full apology from him for draining my car, the two I’ve gotten have been "I’m sorry but-" type apologies and I feel frustrated because now he’s acting like I should just be happy that he’s helping me "fix it" now and I feel like I don’t owe him undying gratitude for "helping" me out of a difficult spot he put me in.
Am I the asshole?
Nop. He shouldn’t just take your consent for granted. NTA.
Nta. Hide your keys from now on. Parents got the spare set? Act like you can’t find your primary keys and need the spare, do not return them.
NTA
What about the apology from your mother? She should not be encouraging him drive your car without your permission or knowledge. She is more of an AH than your brother because she is a full.fledged adult and knows better.
By the way, if you are in the US, you do realize if he is in an accident you, as the owner of the car would be the one legally responsible for repairs on another person’s car, if your brother was at fault, because unless your car is insured for all drivers, he would not be covered. Plus as owner of the car you could actually be sued by others for damages when your brother is driving.
I am less upset at my mom because I have already gotten an apology from her, and my brother keeps dismissing what I say in a way she doesn’t. I am still a bit upset at her though but our communication is better than the communication between my brother and I so it’s easier to actually talk it out and I feel like we have already
NTA. Your brother and mother are, though, for not securing your permission to use your car before he took it.
You include a lot of detail that is not fully explained, like the cane. It makes be wonder why you leave it in the car, if you might have needed it while he had it, why he didn’t replace it in the passenger seat when he returned, etc.
Your family needs new ground rules about “borrowing” things, I think.
Tell your brother the next time he takes your car without *YOUR* permission, you’re calling the cops and reporting it stolen.
Edit: NTA
NTA. And I would be explaining to my brother and family just how an apology is supposed to work you own up to your crap and you sit there feeling crappy for a while you don’t spin it into a “yes but”
From now on you know to hide your keys too
NTA. Why r your parents have access to/copy of your key? Hide ur key. Your parents are enabling his gambling addiction.
Edit: Verdict