My bf (27m) and I (22f) both suffered from anxiety, so we definitely lean on each other a lot because of it. The issue is, I have really tried to make my sleep a priority because 1, I don’t ever sleep well because I live in a toxic household, so I get woken up a lot and I struggle to fall asleep. Every opportunity I have to sleep a decent amount I want to take it.
The issue is, my bf, even though he should be sleeping tends to have a lot of anxiety at night, and wants to talk to me. He uses to do this all the time, but then we stopped seeing each other for a while, so when we got back together, I made it very clear, please do not call me if it’s not an actual emergency, because I need to sleep. Sometimes I feel like that’s mean because obviously I want to be there for him, but I can’t keep putting him over my sleep. And when I did let him do it he would wake me up all the time.
The last 2 days I have worked over 20 hours, and slept probably around 4 hours a night, and I had told him I was absolutely exhausted and needed sleep, and he knew this. But last night he spam called me to wake me up at 3am because he was worried about his health and panicking. I felt really bad for being annoyed but on top of that, after 5 minutes he was like, oh I can let you get back to sleep. So why did you call me then?
I don’t know, maybe I am an asshole for that but I also suffer from anxiety and depression and I know he doesn’t sleep well at all, so I never call him at night, even when I am struggling. At most I occasionally send him a text to see if he’s up.
You two don’t sound like either one of you are ready for a relationship. You both sound like working on your mental health would be a better use of your time. Respectfully.
OP found a toxic boyfriend to replace her toxic family.
NTA at all, but you really need to think if you are right for each other. You need to have an honest and deep conversation with him. I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time in your household.
NTA. Start putting your phone on DND for at least five hours at night and give him the numbers for mental health support lines. You’re supposed to be his partner, not a therapy pet.
Put your phone on do not disturb and control your own alerts between fixed hours, and communicate this to him. Don’t rely on other people for managing your well-being.
NTA, but I’m not sure you’re really supporting each other in working on your mental health together. What are the theme of his calls and how can we work together to address these themes before bed? I’m no therapist though…just doesn’t seem like boundaries emotionally exist.
This was my thought, he especially is not ready to be in a relationship. He crossed a boundary , you are NTA
Concentrate on your own wellbeing. He needs to do the same.
NTA. You need sleep for *your* physical health! There’s a line between being supportive and draining yourself dry for someone. If his health anxiety is interfering with his functionality to this extent he needs to take that to a professional, not his girlfriend.
He sounds really selfish and it seems more like he is more worried about you being there for him than what you need.
Watch out because it sounds like he might have some codependency issues. He should have other resources or friends available, and yes while he would probably find the most comfort from you, he as a boyfriend should put your health and wellbeing first, so relying only on you for help with his anxiety could turn into something dangerous.
You can’t be the only one to fix his issues, so don’t let this weigh on your consciousness because it’s not your fault. Always remember to take care of yourself first. Get away if you need to, honestly I recommend you do, for your own sake. Don’t let anyone else drag you down when you’re already so mentally exhausted from living in a toxic household. NTA.
Block him at night, unblock when you wake up.
NTA
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression.
I know that I should not rely on another person with anxiety for my safety.
It sounds like you both need therapy.
You should be using coping mechanisms to calm down. Not calling people at all times of the night.