Hello all, this is such a silly story, but i need some input!
My friends and I decided to do a secret santa gift exchange. We all put our names in a bowl and drew names. I (24f) got my friend (25m), i’ll call him B. My friend, his sister, D (24f) sent in our group chat to send gift ideas as she was struggling with gift ideas for the person she drew.
Half the group sent in their ideas, ranging from gift cards, to candles, to shop lights, etc. B, A (23f), and M (24f) had yet to send their gift ideas. B sent a text stating, “No gift cards f@gg0ts thats a copout” (direct quote). I replied with, “gift cards are easy 🥹 plus i’m not in dire need of anything rn.” In turn he responded with, “If your in dire need of something under 50 bucks i think youre adulting badly anyway lmao but its supposed to be fun and gift cards are lame.” I rebutted back with they are not lame, because one can do their own shopping on their own time and terms. Gifts are super hard to purchase, especially since B and A were expecting a baby any day.
After that, the group chat got pretty silent, nothing had been said for the rest of the week. That weekend, i was going to the city to do the last of my christmas shopping, and still didn’t know what B wanted. I sent a text to the group chat stating that if gift ideas were not sent by saturday morning, my secret santa would be getting a gift card, since B was very against the idea of a gift card yet still had to send his idea list.
A and M sent idea lists a few minutes following. Still no list from B. Saturday morning i go to the city and finish up my shopping, and end up getting B a $50 gift card to a local farm store (they also have a sporting goods and clothing department for him to shop from). I don’t know B that well, so that’s why i was practically begging for ideas. I get back home that night and there is still no list from B. I start getting ready for bed, and at 9:30pm that night, a text comes through to the group chat. It’s from B. It says, “You know things i like i aint got a list. But i dont like gift cards.”
I dont respond, but in my head i am thinking, “i do NOT know what you like besides that you drink mountain dew. I could get him $50 worth of mountain dew, but thats a lot for little me to carry up two flights of stairs come the gift exchange time. I decided then that i will stick with the gift card, and it will be his own fault for not giving anyone any ideas.
So, am I the asshole for getting him a gift card after stating he doesn’t want one?
ESH I mean you could of just bought a generic gift like a candle/sock/ alcohol or brought something from a bakery he told you he didn’t want a gift card but he was being kinda weird
Truthfully, for a friend gift exchange, gift cards ARE pretty lame. They say, “I really didn’t know you that well.” I recommend keeping the gift card for yourself and getting him something that says, “you’re my friend and I know you.” You said he’s got a baby due soon? Create a New Father Survival Kit basket. Get creative.
NTA because $50 is still $50 and he’ll get to spend it anyway he wants, BUT why are y’all doing this exchange if it’s such a hassle? If they’re your friends you should be able to come up with something fun that’s not just an exchange of cash or everyone having to place an order and give a specific request (at that point why doesn’t everyone just buy their own thing they want) B is TA for the language used (not cool) and for making it harder for you. Still this should be a fun low pressure thing without the need for a whole ass group chat. What’s the surprise in that? Maybe y’all should consider a cookie exchange next year. Gift cards are good for grandparents to give but your friends should know you better.
Soft YTA..I hate to say it because I hate gift cards too. Yes, he should give hints, but definitely don’t get him the thing he says he hates. I personally would rather get a gift I don’t actually like because it shows the person at least tried. I would recommend candy, or wine or even a funny Christmas shirt over a $50 gift card. If he hates it, that’s on them, but at least you didn’t get the one thing they said no to.
While I do think gift cards are lame aswell, considering you asked him for what he wanted instead, he didn’t answer properly, and just sounds insufferable as a person, I’ll say NTA. If he acted like a decent adult maybe my answer would have been different. But he should feel lucky he gets anything at all.
YTA
They said no gift card, so no gift card. You could have went plain and got a sweater or a book. Anything else. But you knew they didn’t want and got it anyway bc as you said “gift cards are easy.” They are a throwaway gift when they come from friends especially when not appreciated.
>“No gift cards f@gg0ts thats a copout”
He’d be getting books on LGBTQIA history and then I’d be dropping him as a friend. Who the fuck is still throwing around the F slur in 2025, especially since one of your comments says he’s married with a kid? Pathetic and gross behavior, honestly.
ESH
I’m genuinely questioning how close some of you are if you can only think of Mountain Dew as a gift for someone. Seems like an awkward friend group gift exchange where some aren’t engaged. Gifts can be personal, especially with friends. To some, gift cards look like easy cop outs on buying something with them in mind.
ESH B’s “direct quote” is gross and he is behaving like an AH – don’t criticize gifts, and if he didn’t want gift cards, then he should have come up with ideas when people are asking. A lot of times for secret santa things, people are asked to write three things along with their name so when it’s drawn, the person has some suggestions.
But you knew he didn’t want a gift card and did it anyway. While I agree he wasn’t helpful AT ALL, you should have thought of something – there are online gift guides all over the place, and you are friends with his sister – did you ask her for ideas for him? Or his wife? Or you could have gotten him a $25 gift card and some other stuff with it – a little premade gift basket, warm socks, candy, etc.
ESH. You got him the *one* thing he made very clear he didn’t want. Get literally anything else.
Meh, there are only a few places I’d actually use a gift card to. Even though you kept threatening gift cards, your giftee was consistently adamant that they disliked them.
You could have gotten ANYTHING and attached a gift receipt. I think they just wanted to open something. Anything.
ETA: I also dislike the “wish list” idea, lightly. Dictating gifts seems kind of odd. Broad categories, general interests.
This sounds exhausting
Slight YTA but in a funny way. He sounds unpleasant and he deserves it for being so unhelpful (and for throwing about a homophobic slur).
ESH … you are the asshole for being a bad gifter … he’s asshole for using anti gay rhetoric