I (F27) am getting married soon, my elder sister who is 28 got married a few months ago and we were recently told by our parents we are getting removed from their will so we can’t inherit their house, only my 2 younger brothers will inherit their house (18,21)
They say the reason they are doing it is so that no outsiders (our husbands) can have the house and it’s to protect my brothers so that they always have a home.
I am very confused because my brothers will eventually get married too, won’t their wives be considered “outsiders” who will now have the house?
I am divorced and this is my 2nd marriage and they told me this time I better not come back and I must put in the effort to make my marriage last (my ex husband was abusive btw)
My brothers hate my parents, they can event be bothered to even remember my parents birthday. It’s always my sister and I doing things for my parents.
We always knew they favourited our brothers but this is next level.
I guess we’ll see if my brothers will take care of them in their old age.
NTA
It checks out. You and your sister get cut out in favour of the boys, but it’s like you just said. You’ll see who takes care of them in their old age. Surely they won’t want outsiders taking care of them, right? Seeing as that’s what you’re also classified as now.
Delightful people, by the way, blaming you for leaving an abuser. I bet your husband isn’t happy with them either.
NTA. Make sure whenever they call to ask for help you direct them to your brothers.
This ^ They shouldn’t expect help from people they’ve removed from their will. Make sure that is your answer any time they ask for any sort of help, particularly if it’s help with the house or the boys.
I believe it’s possible to set up an automatic transfer of a call from a specific number to another specific number. Simply shunt the parents’ calls to the brothers. Problem solved.
NTA – Although I really don’t know, my guess is they consider you and your sister outsiders now because you’ve married and taken your husband’s names. AKA you are now part of your husbands’ families. Whereas your brothers will continue to perpetuate the family name even when married. Very sexist and chauvinistic of your parents, if this is the case.
Question: If your parents no longer consider you part of the family, why do you continue to do things for them? Why don’t you direct them to your brother’s now?
Simple follow your brothers paths don’t give your parents any time or attention.
Make sure you mention that part about hoping their sons are going to take care of them later on. Every single time you speak to them!
That’s crazy considering the law normally sides with the divorced wife and they end up getting the house. So if they get divorced it could be said their wives have a better chance of getting the house than them. Meaning your parents reasoning is flawed.
This all sounds like your parents believe in a patriarchal structure: their daughters should be taken care of by their husbands, and their sons should be helped financially because they will eventually be the providers for their own families.
Are they South East Asian ?? This belief system where the daughter belongs to the husband’s family and daughter in law belongs to the son’s family – is why India has a law for the right of inheritage for all kids.
Edit: NTA (they sure are!)
NTA, IMMEDIATELY stop doing any & all of the things you do for them. Like, right this second. Let the brothers step up. And if they don’t, oh well, not your problem.
A prenuptual agreement with your proposed spouse would probably handle that situation. In addition, in Canada where I live, inheritances are not considered to be family property and a divorcing spouse would have no claim on an inherited property
Definitely direct your parents to your brothers when they need anything (including labor). They don’t see you as family anymore, so obviously you have no obligation to them.
>*”My brothers hate my parents, they can event be bothered to even remember my parents birthday. It’s always my sister and I doing things for my parents.”*
\^\^ Your parents are relying on you and your sister take care of them. Maybe its time to show them the same empathy and truth telling they’re showing you.