I went on a dream vacation at the start of this year and I’m planning to do it all again in a few months. I discovered solo travelling last year, and I’ve only got to do 2 so far, but I really love the freedom of it. I’m 25 and I’ve always felt kind of restricted because I’ve only ever really gone away with family.
I was telling my family member (55, F) about this trip I’m planning, we go on smaller trips together often, and she suddenly suggested she could come. In the moment I thought, well it’d be good to experience it with someone, and I’d save a lot of money by splitting a hotel room, so I sort of agreed on the spot.
The more we’ve talked about it the more compromises she’s expecting I make. My last solo trip I decided to extend at the very last minute, and kept extending until basically my budget ran out. I couldn’t do that if she came with me. I really wanted to go to 2 cities and do 10 days in each (at least) on this trip, I went for a month last time, but she’s already trying to convince me to just go to 1 city for 10 days and let that be it. This is the point where I really started regretting saying yes.
Also, I just know where I’m going, she would hate it. It can be scary, you will see crackheads on the streets, it’s part of the charm. But this family member is so paranoid, I wouldn’t be able to freely just go for a drink or meet anyone. During my last solo trip I went on a couple of dates, I don’t want to have to be sneaky or be judged on MY OWN trip! But I know I would have to because she’d expect to know my whereabouts 24/7. And frankly I’m hoping to find a husband on one of these trips!!
I don’t have a lot of money, and I’ve been saving all year to do this trip again, so I would really like to do it on my own terms. The more I think about it, it just confirms that I really want to do this alone. Would I be the asshole if I told her this?
EDIT: just for clarity, she only invited herself on it today. I’ve been planning it for months, but she hasn’t been part of the planning stages at all until today, so it’s not like either of us have made any commitments.
The obvious compromise is that she joins you for one city and you do the other city on your own.
I would let her know now that you don’t want to do this trip. It is better to have the relationship hiccup now than have a full relationship breakdown on your trip. You don’t have compatible travel styles and one of you is going to end up resenting the other.
NTA. But the sooner you tell her the better. If you drag your feet too long you risk becoming an AH by letting her get excited and then pulling the rug out from under her. Also, the longer you wait the more personal it will feel. Call her tonight and explain that you really enjoy solo traveling and you’d prefer to take this trip solo, but you’d still love to go somewhere with her another time.
I love solo travelling. I think you should try to explain those exact reasons that you gave bc those are all valid. I know you said yes but I’d hope they’d understand. I hope you have a good trip. Solo travelling is gonna be some of your favorite memories b
NTA
NTA
next time she brings up more changes just tell her y’all will have to plan a different trip after this one. when she pushes back let her know she has wanted to change so many aspects of **your** trip that it’s best to plan a different trip she can be a part of instead
You need to sit down and be honest with them. Hey, this trip was intended to be a solo trip. I don’t mind you coming along, but I don’t intend to change the itinerary for your preference. The more I think about it, I don’t think this would be a good fit for you. Let’s plan another trip down the road, but I am going to go back to doing this one solo..
Great answer. If it’s only been a day and she wants to change it that much she isn’t really joining you on “your trip” is she?
NTA. I planned a 3 week road trip for myself when I retired. A friend invited herself along and for the planning portion, I thought it would work out. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. She was needy, she lost her stuff constantly and she always asked “have you seen my (insert anything)” every day. The only positive thing was she could afford to pay her share and she did promptly. If I could do it over again, I wouldn’t have considered bringing someone along with me. So don’t do it. You have to compromise on your plans, what you want to eat, places you want to see. This also sets a precedent for other family members asking to join you in the future. Just don’t.
Why don’t you go with them to one city and then continue on?
NTA… yet. You will be if this discussion isn’t had sooner rather than later.
Maybe you could compromise. She goes with you for 1 city for 10 days and then goes home, and you go on by yourself to the second city for 10 days?
I think you need to be clear about your boundaries about what you are and are not willing to compromise on for this vacation and let her decide whether she wants to come with under those circumstances. And as was suggested above, she could come for one city and then travel home when you head to the next.
NAH just tell them the truth