Hi,
I (F25) and my boyfriend (24M) have been together for almost 3 years. We both love expensive gifts but it’s not necessary for me to receive such a gift. However I know for the fact that he loves it. Therefore for this Christmas I have bought him a nice Italian leather office bag with customized bag charm with our dog face on it. His gift came few days ago and since we are living together he wanted to see the gift so bad. So I told him if he would show me what he bought for me I will show as well. He showed a pair of shoes that I really wanted to have for a while and I was really happy. He said that he bought it from Vinted but they are not used and it’s coming from Norway. FYI in Vinted we mainly trust Nordic countries sellers as they are really honest if a product is fake if it’s new etc etc. I said thank you and I was happy until I found out that he bought it from CN fans. So the issue starts here. Last year he bought me acne studios scarf from there that one I didn’t know that it was from this app and didn’t understand that it’s fake and I have been using for almost a year lol just discovered it. The other one was miu miu glasses which when he gave it to me I immediately said these are fake because I already tried the glasses before. He said that they scammed him and the topic closed. But at that time he asked oh can’t you use the glasses anyway no one would understand it but I don’t like to use fake products. I am not a rich rich person but I am saving my money and buy things and honestly buying or using fake products feels wrong. On top of that I am especially strict about fake shoes because the feet health is super important and I used some fake designer shoes when I was a kid because my parents bought me and it was awful and super uncomfortable to wear so I am experienced lol.
He doesn’t know that I found out that he bought from cn fans.
I don’t want to use these shoes and honestly I would prefer if he could just buy some Zara versions instead of buying a fake. Also he has more money and earning more money than me so it can’t be about money issues fyi.
Would I be the asshole if I wouldn’t use it and tell him to stop using the app?
Nta
NTA. He needs to stop lying to you. You aren’t comfortable with knock-offs. This being a recurring thing shows it’s a pattern, and it’s an ugly one. He conveniently loves expensive gifts but wants to give knock-offs to you? And then acts like you’re rude or unreasonable for not just using/wearing the items knowing they are not genuine? Girl, no. To me this is a really huge red flag. Oh he was scammed…sure (sounds like playing the victim to me). But this time he just lied. He said the item was authentic but used (gently, never worn, whatever) but in reality that was false. How lovely for him to be saving hundreds or thousands of dollars when buying for you, while collecting pricy gifts from you.
Do not wear them. You aren’t obligated to. Encourage him to return them, even. And maybe tell him that you feel like the gift exchange has been really one sided due to these events and that you don’t want to exchange gifts anymore, or find some other terms you think work for you (handmade gifts, locally sourced gifts, gifts that are experiences rather than things). Or drop his ass because it seems like he’s using you.
Nta, fakes for gifts is no good.
Personally I think it’s absolutely asinine to spend over $350 for any item of clothing (and I would only go that high for quality shoes). Not sure what price range you’re going for but it feels like you’re looking for an $800 pair of shoes which to me feels like an obnoxious waste of money. That being said, NTA. If it’s important to you not to wear knockoff items, then it should be important to him to respect it. I would bring it up kindly and respectfully and let him know that if price is the issue then you have other options in a lower price range that you would prefer.
agreed! on top of that, the fact they mentioned they’d rather have a cheaper item (Zara version of the shoe etc.) that’s not a knockoff shows it’s genuinely a personal taste thing/ not simply about the money regarding the gifts. For sure NTA
I don’t share the same view on products etc. but that’s where to each their own comes in imo.
NTA, he’s not being scammed, he just doesn’t want to pay money for the real thing.
You have expensive taste & he can’t afford period.
If you were using a knockoff for a year and had no idea (and were happy to use it until you learned) what is the problem? No, he shouldn’t lie to you and he should respect your preferences, but you sound pretty stuck up. You were perfectly happy with your scarf until you discovered it’s not “real” and now you’re upset? You don’t care about the gift, you care about the label.
i disagree! they explicitly mentioned they’d rather have a cheaper version of the item (Zara shoes for ex.) than a knockoff of a designer brand. They like designer, but it doesn’t have to be. I find people who wear knockoff designer brands to typically be more shallow/ concerned with labels; you’re going out of your ay to seem like you’re wearing something you can’t afford for the sake of having the brand.
Or you just like the look of it but don’t want to pay for the label. 🤷♀️
that’s fair, i think it depends on the product. nowadays retailers like zara and other fast fashion moguls make designer inspired products all the time- if you like the look and it’s a popular item it’s so easy to get the non-branded version? take staud’s beaded bags, anthropologie made their own version. zara’s bag collections and their dresses and shoes are often inspired by popular designer items.
designer and non designer products typically all come from the same places (production), with the current market it’s more often than not that consumers seeking out an exact replica of a designer item are looking for a brand label (yes this is a generalization, ofc there’s people outside of that).
Yeah, my main issue was OP talking about the scarf they received and used for A YEAR and then took issue after finding out it wasnt brand name. Clearly, OP liked it well enough and only got upset after finding out. To me, that says OP wants the label, not the look.
NTA