So I (20 F) am in my 3rd year of college with my three friends who are all girls. I’m the introvert of the group, I’m not very social and I have a hard time making friends. My friends know this about me and always have since we became friends in 1st year. I still would say I’m friendly but you just gotta approach me first in order for us to be friends. To anyone saying "just go and include yourself in their group" it’s not that easy especially for me as someone who has a hard time communicating and making conversation with other.
So about a few months ago, 2 of my 3 friends befriended a 1st year student who is a boy when they went on a school trip (let’s call male #1 O, male #2 K; my friends, female #1 J, female #2 C, and female #3 T). So J and C got close with O in the 3 days they were together. Then a month after they also became close with one of O’s friends who is K. They became pretty close that they often would have long conversations with them if they saw each other in the halls.
Then not too long after, T also started becoming friends with them as well. Now part of the reason why I didn’t want to become close with them is because these two boys are very immature and it annoys me. And like I just don’t want to include myself if I’m not invited yk? What bothers me though is the fact that not one of my friends even tried to include me. Like we would be in the classroom waiting for our next class then one by one they would leave the room while I’m inside. Then when I would go looking for them, they’re all outside talking, all 5 of them. At first I really didn’t think much of it.
Then during the first week of December during our prep for our intramurals, they kept hanging out more. J and T visited K’s house one day because they were stranded because of the rain, then all 3 girls we’re constantly hanging out with the boys and I wouldn’t be there because I would have to go home early because I get stomach pains and headaches a lot. When I’m there I’m just excluded from their convos and everything. I noticed at this point I was literally excluded even if I was also standing amongst them.
That kept going until our intrams. I found out they had a different GC. I was confused as to why they kept laughing at their phones and it was because they had a different GC and there was even 6 of them in it because another classmate of ours was added as well. Like wtf?
Also during that time I noticed that the girls weren’t really talking to me, I also got left behind since they never told me anything. I would be there but they wouldn’t say anything to me and just start walking and I would have to catch up to them. Like when I asked them to wait because I was still doing my attendance and when I turned around they were gone and I had to look for them.
Then the next week they started having fights because of a "misunderstanding". And now they’re not friends anymore.
So would I be the ahole if I confronted my friends and told them I was hurt?
You don’t like the boys, but you want to be included in the group? Have you made it known to your girlfriends that you think the boys are immature? As an introvert, I get group dynamics, and being energy selective, but you can’t didn’t your life expecting other people to curate a world that suits you. At some point you’ll need to take initiative be bold in your choices.
Gentle YTA
Your friends made new friends that you don’t like, and they have a group chat with them? That seems perfectly reasonable. You don’t like these other people. Why would they put you in a group chat with them?
There is waay too many abbreviations in this post, its confusing to read. Change names to actual names, don’t use unknown abbreviations.
YTA This is hard to get through but from what can be discerned, you don’t like your friends having other friends but also will not make the effort to meet people or to make an effort to befriend these new people. You get what you give.
They’re not your friends and you should work on yourself to find your way to meet new people without their help
YTA. It sounds to me like you didn’t make much effort to befriend these people because you didn’t want to. You can’t then get upset that you’re not included in their friend group.
YTA definitely.
There are so many red flags in your post as to why you’re not included. Don’t claim you’re hurt about something that you brought upon yourself.
It’s not easy but if you aren’t willing to introduce yourself, you cannot just expect them to. It’s not really fair you are making them make friends for you… right? Just work up the guts and leave the room with one of them and tag along, introduce yourself to the rest, and be FRIENDLY. That shouldn’t be hard since you say you are generally friendly.
Ywbta. You’re an adult. In college. You can do this. People aren’t going to get jobs for you. You’re going to have to network yourself as a working adult. This is a great place to start!
YWBTA. You say you don’t want to be friends with these guys anyway because they’re “very immature and it annoys me,” you aren’t around much of the time because you go home early, yet you feel left out.
It sounds like you just want to control who your original friends are friends with. You don’t get to do that.
I get feeling left out but friend groups shift and expand and contract and form offshoots. That’s how it works, especially in college.
Sounds like this friendship may have run its course but it doesn’t sound like anyone has done anything wrong. They just made some new friends.
You’re hurt that they didn’t attempt to include you in their friendship with people you don’t want to be friends with? YTA
YTA. Being introverted isnt a free pass to expect people to manage your social life for you. You said yourself you found the guys annoying and didnt want to include yourself, so your friends took that cue. Making a separate group chat and hanging out without you isnt automatically a betrayal. If you felt hurt, that sucks, but confronting them like they did something wrong feels unfair when you stayed on the sidelines by choice.
INFO: why do you expect to be friends with boys you don’t like? I presume you’ve voiced this distaste of them out loud, so it’s safe to assume your girlfriends wouldn’t include you at this point.
BTW introvert isn’t synonymous with shy. It means you need alone time to feel energized and that socializing can make you easily feel exhausted.
Not o ly are you the asshole but you are a shit friend. Ypu go out of your way to not be included and think your other two friends are supposed to what chase you till you like these boys also. God you are entitled grow up learn to make friends by yourself.
You’re gonna have zero friends once you have this conversation because you sound unhinged. You think all your friend’s friends have to be yours too. You think you’re entitled to be in all their group chats. You’re seriously being very weird. If a friend told me this I would be fully creeped out and never talk to you again.