My girlfriend and I recently moved abroad. We came back to our home country for some time. We both wanted to see a lot of family and friends and we decided that we would seperate when arriving on the airport, she would take the train to go visit her parents and I would take a different train to go visit mine. We would visit eachothers parents later on during the trip.
When arriving on the airport my parents had come to welcome us back home. They were in the neighbourhood and wanted to surprise us. Our flight had been delayed a few hours, so I assumed my girlfriend just wanted to get going and get to her parents asap. We walked her to her train and said our goodbyes. I thought this was what she wanted as well, but admittedly, I did not really check with her. Everything went really fast and I was not really prepared for the situation, getting out of a delayed flight.
Afterwards, my parents and I took a quick bite to eat and then drove to my parents home. I thought everything was great, but it turns out my girlfriend did not. She was very offended and of the opinion that my parents should have skipped the dinner (she did not want to join that as it would have delayed her travel even more) and drove her to her parents house. To be clear, the train takes about the same time to her parents house as driving there would. My parents on the other hand would have to drive for an extra hour to drop her off.
I told her I understand that the situation on the airport was a bit awkward like this and I should have checked what she wanted. The least I could have done was check with her afterwards if this was ok for her, which I also did not do. That was my mistake, I should have done that of course and I have apologized for it. Then I told her I sort of understand my parents side as well, that they werent going to drive for an extra hour to save her no time at all, just the option for a car instead of a train. Especially since our plan was to take the train anyway. This sparked even more offence on her side and now she wants to skip visiting my family all together, because they only care about me and not about her etc. AlTAH?
NTA. She wants to go to her house and visit her parents. You’re going to your house to visit your parents. But your parents don’t owe her driving out of their way to drop her off. You guys aren’t married even if you were that’s still something that needs to be discussed. She seems to be entitled.
Leaning towards more NTA, although you should have confirmed with her if shes still good with taking the train. It’s not fair that she instantly assume that your folks would drive her to her parents house esp if it’s an hour away
NTA she is being absurd there.
> Then I told her I sort of understand my parents side as well, that they werent going to drive for an extra hour to save her no time at all,
It is not sort of understandable, it is fully understandable and rational. Especially since it was the plan.
> This sparked even more offence on her side and now she wants to skip visiting my family all together, because they only care about me and not about her
Red flag on her side.
NTA – the plan was for her to take the train – just cause someone who owns a car shows up doesn’t entitle you to a ride they haven’t offered. If the ride would be like 5 or 10 minutes out of their way and the train would take an hour, it’s reasonable to ask – but if the train vs. the drive would be the same for yourself and a huge inconvenience for them, it’s not reasonable to expect, rude to ask, and in fact if they had offered, it would have been polite to decline. Unless there’s some special circumstance or emergency.
I’m sorry OP – your gf is not being at all reasonable here. And if she was stressed and sleep deprived from the travel and woke up the next day apologizing and acknowledging she was being ridiculous, ok. We all have our moments. But she’s doubling down and boycotting visiting your family at all – I’m sorry OP I think you’re seeing her true colors and they aren’t pretty.
You or your parents did nothing wrong at all. I would have done the same. Let her do what she wants to do. She’ll get over it. NTA
NTA she is being entitled and selfish, this had no effect on her plans and is just salty – skip dinner to drive her an hour in the wrong direction no no
NTA why didnt her parents meet you guys at the airport too. That’s silly to travel extra when the train is just as fast.
We did not discuss with any of the parents to pick us up, we weren’t expecting it. My parents did let her parents know they were going to. Its fine that her parents did not come imo, we did not ask or expect them to.
I know it was a surprise but it almost like she’s mad at you because her parents didnt come surprise and pick her up too. Around here trains take way longer than cars to get where your going so I could see dropping off but if the train is literally the same commute I wouldnt have someone drive me just for the sake of it. It was also a surprise and now she doesnt want to see your family together for the plans you already had its just crazy behavior to me. You walked her to the train its not like you ditched her at the airport when your parents were there and just left.
NTA.
How old is she???
And no. Your parents wanted to see you, THEIR child. Of course they care more about you. Like…. That’s their actual job! 🤣🤣🤣
Their baby moved away, they wanted to see you. They planned a surprise visit. So sweet.
Then to be upset that she still had to catch the train… the one she actually planning on getting anyway??
Ah what??
I’m sure your parents like her but they were just excited to see you and probably didn’t even think to ask.
You have lovely parents and she’s overreacting.
Good luck friend!
NTA. I can sort-of see her side but she’s acting a little weird and entitled, especially since the original plan was that you’d both be catching different trains. You didn’t know your parents would surprise you, you didn’t know the flight would be delayed. Tell your gf your parents aren’t a car-service, just like her parents aren’t a car-service.
NTA – Your parents were supposed to just drop their plans and drive her an hour out of their way?!? At worst you’re guilty of poor communication, but you make her sound entitled, selfish, and a bit stupid. Her not visiting your family might not be the worst thing that could happen.
NTA
Sounds like she is sore and resentful that her parents didn’t show up to pick her up.
She can’t dictate what your parents should do, thats just wild.
You or your parents didn’t do anything wrong at all. If she had issues she could have expressed it but she would obviously come off as very entitled if she asked them to drive her, if the train takes the same time.
She sounds a bit immature and spoiled. Let her parents spoil her then. Its not your parents job.
NTA you guys have both agreed to take separate trains. That was the plan. You were sticking to the plan. She didn’t say anything to you before she got on the train. Both of you were probably stressed and overtired because of the travel delay. And her family not being there and yours being there she probably felt dismissed and not as cared for possibly I’m totally guessing here. But she didn’t communicate that with you. Obviously you were focused on the joy of seeing your parents surprise you and you might miss some social cues from your partner. I think that you and her should give it a day then talk and really listen to each other and even if you don’t agree with the other’s opinion hear them out completely. And I think it was completely wrong of her to expect your parents to change their plans and suddenly expect to drive her instead of her taking the train. I’m sorry but if I were your parents I’d be a little pissed that she felt entitled to that. But that’s me. Enjoy your visit sounds like your folks couldn’t wait to see her and I’m sure that brings Joy to your heart.