AITA? I (14M) have a friend group with "L" (14M) and a few others. Lately, I’ve realized L treats me less like a friend and more like tech support.
Here is the context:
He barely texts me to hang out, but calls me immediately when he needs me to fix his phone (sideloading apps, etc). If I don’t fix it, he gets annoyed.
He does things to "test" me. For example, he once stole a bunch of coffee creamers, refused to give me one, then threw half of one on my desk and tried to force me to throw it out for him. When I refused, he called me a baby. In games, he constantly griefs me (spamming shock sticks, etc). Yesterday, he asked if he could write a nickname with my name on a sign in a game. I didn’t answer.
Because of this, I’ve been pulling back and hanging out with another friend, "M," who actually treats me normally.
L noticed I was distant and ignored me for a few days. Yesterday at 1 AM, he sent me a huge text saying I have been "rude," "mocking," and "exasperating" lately. He explicitly admitted: "I have been trying to ignore you because of these actions so could you try to work on it." Basically, he admitted he was giving me the silent treatment to punish me and "teach me a lesson."
I replied: "I’m not trying to be mean for no reason, but I am pulling back because I don’t like how things feel right now. The constant testing and the way you talk to me is exhausting. If you want us to stop drifting apart, the way you treat me has to change."
I feel like I might be the AH because I have been sarcastic and distant lately to defend myself, and my latest text is justifying MY behavior by attacking his.
AITA for sending that text?
Please keep in mind, I could be unintentionally biased. Please let me know what you pull out of this whole thing.
NTA!!! That is called having self-worth, self-respect, and healthy boundaries. You’re handling this like a mature adult, and L sounds like he has a lot to learn about how to treat friends and how to communicate in a healthy way when he’s unhappy. You’re doing well and I’m proud of you standing up for yourself. Way to go, dude!
NTA
Your “friend” sounds like a bully. You don’t need to give a reason if you don’t want to hang out with someone. “I don’t like the way you treat me” is a more than valid reason to cut contact.
Life is too short to have the wrong people around.
You seem pretty emotionally intelligent, you have handled this splendidly. You are very much NTA, you deserve better treatment from friends.
I’ve had a “friend” like this. Consider yourself lucky that you’re only 14 and already figuring out that one-sided “useful or nothing” so-called friendships suck. If I could go back in time to your age and tell myself two things, it would be as follows:
1. Rude, abusive, ungrateful people are not worth your time, and you’re better off just avoiding them when you spot them.
2. You can never be too nice. Find and surround yourself with people who appreciate it and give it back to you.
NTA
Bonus 3. Make the world better. There’s an abundance of bad, of suffering, of unhappiness. Be the little bit of light pushing the other way. Eventuality all the little bits of light will add up. I know this is preachy as hell, but it should also tell you that over two decades later, regrets will stay with you. Happy holidays.
NTA. He is being incredibly rude and mean towards you, and he treats you like a resource instead of a friend. I would stop being friends with this boy but it is up to you of course.
AHH…the vigor of youth is wasted on the young
NTA. That’s not a friend. That’s a bully in disguise. A friend doesn’t “test” you for things. Thats honestly so weird and manipulative. I’m sorry you’re being treated like that OP. But that’s not the kind of person you should call a friend. And you were incredibly kind and respectful in your response. Best of luck.
NTA for telling your friend things need to change, but maybe the ah for the way you’ve been responding up to now. You kind of throw out that you’ve been sarcastic and defensive at the very last moment without any real explanation. That does change the story, and I can’t tell how much of a difference it makes. Telling your friend that things need to change is the mature way to handle the situation, but you may also need to make some changes. Be open to hearing your friend out if this is a relationship you want to keep.
NTA. He’s a loser. You’re better off without him.
NTA. Brother, you are 14. Just stop hanging out with this person, youth is too short to waste.
What you did was set a boundary, not attack him.
From what you described, L has been treating you unfairly for a while. Using you mainly when he needs tech help, getting annoyed when you don’t comply, “testing” you, insulting you when you don’t do what he wants, and griefing you in games are not normal or respectful friend behaviors. That’s him trying to assert control and see how much he can get away with.
The silent treatment part is especially important. He literally admitted he was ignoring you to punish you and “teach you a lesson.” That’s manipulative behavior, not healthy communication, especially in a friendship.
Your response text was actually very reasonable. You didn’t insult him, you didn’t name-call, and you didn’t deny your own behavior. You explained how his actions make you feel and clearly said that if he wants things to improve, the way he treats you needs to change. That’s exactly how mature communication is supposed to work.
Yes, you’ve been sarcastic and distant, but that didn’t come out of nowhere. That’s a common defensive response when someone keeps pushing boundaries and disrespecting you. You’re allowed to pull back from someone who drains you or makes you uncomfortable. You’re also allowed to spend more time with someone who treats you better.
You’re not “justifying bad behavior by attacking his.” You’re explaining the reason for your distance. That’s not the same thing.
If anything, L seems upset because he’s losing access to what he wants from you (your help, attention, compliance), not because he genuinely reflected on how he’s been treating you.
So no, you’re not wrong for sending that text. You handled it calmly and honestly. If he can’t respect that boundary, then drifting apart might actually be the healthiest outcome for you.
What you described is not a “Friend”.
Get yourself a one-way ticket on the NOPE train and cut that person out. You dont need that negativity in your life.
CAPTAIN NTA vibes on this one OP.
NTA. I don’t think this person is actually your friend. They sound more like a bully or someone who is using you. Sit down and have a long think about the relationship – does this person actually add anything good to your life, or is it all stress and anxiety and them enjoying upsetting and taunting you. Real friends don’t ‘test’ each-other like that. You may want to take a few giant steps back from this person and look for some better friends.
Kid, I’m 36 years old and I still find it difficult to do what you have done.
I’m so proud of you and how you handled this.
NTA