Let me preface this to say, we have 3 kids, almost 4, and most of the gifts from her go to our kids or my husband, not me.
Our relationship hasn’t always been the best but she always spoils the kids for Christmas (easily $300 per kid) and my gifts are usually looped in with the kids gifts (season passes to theme parks, museums, etc.) nothing really for just me. Which don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with, it’s a little fucked up IMO but I don’t need anything really.
She always asks me what the kids want/need for Christmas but never actually listens to what I tell her. She always just goes off and gets what she wants for them anyway.
I am getting a small (less than $30) gift for my 2 sisters-in-law and my husband is getting a gift within the same budget for his 2 brothers.
I have gotten her gifts in the past but nothing that she’s ever been super excited about because she’s super hard to buy for. She’s a very sentimental person, so I was thinking of having the kids make salt dough ornaments and paint them and give them to her for her tree. Personally I think that’s a great gift that she would love over anything else but my husband thinks I should buy her something within the $30 limit as well. I didn’t really want to do anything but the fact that she’s spending so much on the kids makes me feel guilty.
WIBTA if I didn’t get her anything specifically from me and my husband or are the gifts from the kids fine?
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Nta but don’t get her a gift. Let your husband get his mom’s gifts. This is not 1955 where the wife does all the work of gift giving. Wow.
Why not do a Shutterfly calendar of the kids for her? In the price range and sentimental as it’s the grandkids. Do one every year. Who can’t use an extra calendar?
You’re not her daughter. Of course she is more focused on the children. Because they are CHILDREN. Pretty obnoxious of you.
OPs husband does get gifts, OP doesn’t.
If they both did’t get anything, OP would have been in the wrong. But giving the kids and the husband gifts, but not OP, is pretty rude.
Since the husband does get gifts, he can be the one buying the present for his mother.
Let your husband buy for his side of the family. Drop the rope. I did this and it’s been amazing. Idk why we as women are always the ones doing and buying for everyone. Your husband is perfectly capable of getting his family members gifts. You get them for yours. Sign the cards from both of you. Easy.
Info: what does she buy your husband? And his brothers and sisters in law? If all the adults are getting small/no gifts and she just puts her money into the kids that is totally reasonable. Hell, if she gets her sons bigger gifts and all the daughters in law smaller gifts that’s also (kind’ve) fine. There’s really only an issue here if you are getting singled out for smaller gifts.
Either way, if she is giving your kids great gifts you and your husband should get her something nice, as a joint family gift from all of you.
NTA
I have a problem MIL. ive started matching her energy. if she sends me a gift card, that’s what I do. If she doesn’t ask about me, I do the same. I’m currently NC, and currently DH had to step up his gift giving this year as he purchased everything for his family.
NTA
Sounds like it’s time for your husband to take over his side of the family.
If she usually gifts to the kids, then I think it’s reasonable to gift from the kids. But I don’t have an MIL, so take that with a grain of salt.
If husband insists, maybe get something she can do with the kids? Like a game or a pass to the movies or something.
Pictures of the kids makes a perfect gift for a MIL like this. She obviously loves them and focuses her giving on them, so she would love that and it’s low effort on your part. They don’t even have to be professional, just cute snapshots, stick them in a frame or even a cute holiday envelope with a card and you’re done.
And if you don’t want to do that, your husband absolutely needs to be handling that from now on.
$30 worth of salt and flour, tempera paints, and ribbons to make salt dough ornaments? Go for it!
Why aren’t you and your husband gifting people together?
Your husband can handle gifts for his mother.
First of all, why is it your responsibility to buy stuff for your husband’s mother? Setting that aside, I think having the kids make ornaments or something like that is a good idea. Maybe you could also throw in a couple nice framed photos of the kids? Sure, the monetary amount isn’t going to be equivalent, but it sounds like your MIL will appreciate this more, and since she buys presents for the kids, it makes sense that the presents would be from the kids.