Hello Reddit!
For starters, I want to give a little background on my sister (23) to get a better idea of why I think this went down the way it did. My sister was my family’s only child that had medical needs and she is the youngest of five. Growing up, my mother was definitely much more lenient with her than she ever was with any of her other kids. That being said, it has been a struggle to get my sister to do anything in regards to adult responsibilities. She constantly quits jobs and has been moving in and out of my mom’s house for years. She also really struggles with social cues, and is very sensitive to any kind of “negative” feedback. My mother is really bad about enabling this behavior. The other thing my sister is really bad about is getting into relationships and can never be alone.
So, we had our family Christmas last night. My sister brought her brand new boyfriend (24) that none of us have ever met. He seemed nice and normal, a refreshing change from her past partners, but he definitely had a lot of social anxiety. Everything was fine at first, but then my sister and her boyfriend were all over each other. Kissing, hugging nonstop, and at one point they were even on the floor basically cuddling. It was making me and other family members very uncomfortable. I’m not against all PDA, but this was just a bit over the line for a family event.
In the past, my sister has asked that we give her feedback when she is doing something that is making us uncomfortable, as she also struggles with oversharing about her sex life. So, I decided to pull her to the other room to have a talk. I very nicely told her that I’m so happy she is happy and has a partner, but the PDA is a bit over the line and to please dial it back, as it is very obviously making people uncomfortable. She let me know that her boyfriend’s mother passed and this was his first Christmas without her and she was “comforting” him. I expressed how terrible that is and while I am very empathic towards that, making out and cuddling in front of our grandparents is still not appropriate. She then got very frustrated with me and gave a half hearted “fine we will tone it down”. She then stormed out of the house and I returned to the party.
Her boyfriend followed her outside and they came back in five minutes later. My sister then proceeded to run to my mom and loudly talk about how “mean” and “condescending” I was right in front of me. In my mind, if i wanted to be mean I would’ve called her out on it in front of other people. My mom again told her to just “let it go” but did not hold her accountable as per usual.
I feel that what I did helped everyone at the party feel less uncomfortable and I fulfilled my sisters request for feedback in a very nice way. However, not certain if my sister is justified in being upset with me. AITA?
NTA.This was about too much PDA at a family gathering, and you handled it privately and calmly. You weren’t rude, just honest. It’s understandable she felt embarrassed, but turning it into drama later, wasn’t fair.
NTA, you know your family dynamics better than we do. If you say that your family members were getting uncomfortable, I think pulling her aside privately was probably the best move. Sounds like maybe she just doesn’t like getting called out? I wouldn’t give it anymore thought, especially since your mom told her to drop it.
She is a spoiled brat.
NTA. But you sound like you have some resentment for your sister.
To be honest, I do. She’s been using and abusing my mother for years and never makes any positive changes in her life. So when she does stuff like this, it just adds insult to injury.
NTA nobody wants to see all that.
Girl let it go. You care too much about something that others don’t making you look like you are doing the most. Ignore her . Or better yet call it out like she would do you. Learn her behavior .
NTA.
The behaviour described is not situationally appropriate, and her feelings don’t supersede everyone else’s. Including yours.
You could have raised it quietly to your mom, but it sounds like you raised it discretely and respectfully to her and she’s an adult.
I wouldn’t want to watch my sister deep into PDA at a family holiday event either. Social boundaries exist for a reason, and being called on it when you go outside of them is par for the course.
NTA. She specifically asked for this kind of feedback.
This is the part I think some of the other commenters are overlooking lol
NTA. You handled it the most respectful way you could and at this point this is on her being embarrassed/sensitive.
YTA. Gasp! Kissing! Not cuddling! My eyes? /s