I have been close friends with Sam (26F) for several years. Overall she’s fun to be around, but she has a habit of avoiding responsibility and expecting other people to smooth things over for her. Recently, Sam signed up for a group project at work that had very clear expectations and deadlines. Almost immediately, she started skipping meetings, not responding to messages, and saying she was “too overwhelmed” to contribute. The rest of us ended up doing most of the work because we didn’t want the project to fail. When our manager asked why Sam’s portion was incomplete, Sam told them that *i* had volunteered to help her and then dropped the ball. This wasn’t true, she never asked me, and I never agreed. I only found out because my manager pulled me aside to ask what happened. I told my manager the truth, Sam hadn’t done her part, and I didn’t agree to cover for her. Sam was furious and said I “threw her under the bus” and that friends are supposed to protect each other. She also said I embarrassed her professionally and caused her unnecessary stress. I feel bad that she’s facing consequences, but I also feel like it wasn’t fair for her to lie and shift the blame onto me. I don’t think it’s my responsibility to take the fall for something I didn’t do. Some mutual friends are split, a few agree with me, but others say I should’ve handled it privately instead of being honest with our manager.
So, AITA for refusing to cover for my friend and telling the truth?
Dude. She threw you under the bus. It’s time she grows up. NTA.
glad someone sees it too, thank you !
NTA. You threw *her* under the bus? By telling the truth? No, you just refused to let her throw you under the bus with her lies.
If friends are supposed to protect each other, what does that make her?
Sam was furious and said I “threw her under the bus” and that friends are supposed to protect each other. your response – ” well Sam – Friends don’t take advantage of each other either, and technically, you threw me under the bus first.”
OP you did nothing wrong and this is all on Sam, time for her to grow up and learn that her actions/choices have consequences and she can’t always be shielded from them.
NTA – might be time to cut Sam from being your friend.
Edit: Typo
Nta. Her excuse is the friends protect each other but she was 100% ready to get you in trouble. If you want to keep the friendship, don’t berate her but gently let her know it wasnt cool
^(I swear I’ve read this before, but JIC it’s real…)
NTA.
Seriously? You could lose your job over something like this.
NTA Uh, hold the phone; it’s one thing to cover for someone to deflect scrutiny of their mistake (still not okay) it’s an entirely different matter to actually accept the blame.
INFO What does she and your so called friends say when you ask why it would be okay for your manager to think you screwed up? This could have easily gone on your performance review.
NTA, she needs to grow up and understand that actions have consequences and this isn’t school. Its a job, you gotta do the work if you want paid.
Do not set yourself on fire to keep a work relationship going. We aren’t talking about an outside friendship but your livelihood. You covering for her could cost you your job.
Anyone who is siding with her can cover for her. I bet they wouldn’t if it meant their job!
NTA
She threw *you* under the bus that was getting ready to run her over. If telling the truth causes her embarrassment, that’s her problem. NTA.
She doesn’t understand friendship ends with anyone that messes with your paycheck. NTA
NTA obs.
She threw you under the bus unreservedly. You put her right back where she belonged, under a double decker bus.
She cant claim you did anything wrong when she is just describing her own personality.
NTA. Sam did not hesitate to throw you under the bus, yet she is angry that you didn’t take responsibility for her failure. She is not your friend.
“Sam was furious and said I threw her under the bus.”
No, *she* threw *you* under the bus; you just cleared your name. NTA: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. And she would now be an ex-friend.
“Some say I should have handled it privately instead of being honest with our manager.”
“Nope. I’m not getting fired because she slacked off and then blamed me. But you are welcome to volunteer as tribute.”