I ( 20 F) am currently in the process of switching jobs. My start date was supposed to be 12/15, though got pushed back to 12/28 due to school, exam dates interfered with orientation and training. With that said, I currently don’t have a job, but will in the upcoming week. I still won’t get paid for a couple weeks due to the company paying bi-weekly. The reason I am writing this post is because my boyfriend (20 M) and I are currently arguing. He says he will give me $100 a week, stating it’s a test to see how I spent the money and if I can save some. I told him no thank you, considering I still live with my mom and she can help with any problems regarding money that may arise. He then starts saying I do not need to focus on being an “independent women” in this society and need to “get my priorities straight”. This is where it started to get sour, I kept explaining to him I didn’t need his money, and was raised by a very amazing independent mom who gave me a different view of life compared to him, who was raised by both mom and dad. I want to know am I the asshole for continuing to say no, or is he for not respecting my answer. Sorry if this is typed wonky, this was fresh after our argument and im sitting in my car. I came to Reddit because I don’t want to ask my parents and don’t really want my friends to know I am a broke girl :(. Taking all advice!
Small edit: he’s now telling me we can no longer have anymore adult conversations, what do I do?
Leave him… he sound like he just wanting to control you
NTA. What do you do? Quite possibly break up with him. That is a money red flag for me. I’m even saying this as a stay at home mom, he sounds like he’ll be super financially controlling and if you were ever married and not working he’d be scrutinizing your every penny, which would be awful!
Your plan with your mom sounds much better.
Honey, the red flags are not a circus. Is he your father? No, then it’s not his job to try to teach you responsibility. This is the lead up to very controlling behavior. He’s trying to frame it like he’s trying to make you independent, but he’s just setting the stage so that “he knows best” and can tell you what to do.
NTA sounds like old mate doesn’t have a lot of faith in you,
He was being condescending that’s about it, I don’t know his personality but if you agreed to take his money, do you think he’d use that against you, to try and have a one up on you?
NTA. I think the biggest red flag is that he isn’t offering the money because he genuinely cares about you and wants to help ease any financial worries you may have but is testing you. This move reeks of mysoginy. He seems to think you can’t handle money and be responsible, probably proving some theory he has that women are irresponsible and need a man to help them.
I think he is trying to force you to rely on him so he can exert some control. Honestly, I would end the relationship. Testing your partner is gross.
That was my thought too… it’s not like it’s a kind gesture from his heart. It’s a responsibility test of me and I have never been without money before… my previous job I had since high school so I have always been financially okay and never stupid. Thank you for your advice
He wanted to give you money woth an obligation. Thats not a gift.
NTA
>He says he will give me $100 a week, stating it’s a test to see how I spent the money and if I can save some.
This is what parents do to their children; it’s like an “allowance.” It’s not what someone should be doing with a partner.
>not need to focus on being an “independent women” in this society and need to “get my priorities straight”
What priorities does he think you need to get “straight?
Although his offer of giving you money until you get your job was a nice gesture, he doesn’t seem to have the best intentions.
NTA. And I’m not too fond of this guy.
NTA, he is trying to control you with money, break up with him and enjoy your next few days off before you start your new job
NTA. Is he your boyfriend or your father? This is something a parent will do with a 12 years old to teach how to expend money, not something an adult will do with his girlfriend
NTA, and lose the boyfriend. He’s controlling and manipulating. Why is it his job to “test” how you spend or save money? Why does he have any say AT ALL in your finances at this point? The fact that he didn’t listen to you when you told him he was being absurd and instead said you can’t have an adult conversation is all you need to know. This is a problem with him, not you.
NTA. BUT YOU NEED TO LEAVE. He wants to “test” you by giving you a pittance to see how cheap he can buy you for. He doesn’t want you to be independent since then he can’t control you as easily.
$100 a week = like $5k annually, and $2.50 an hour. If you pass this “test”, he can probably easily pay that and say you don’t need a job at all
That’s gross and weird. If he wanted to help you with money he would just give you money without framing it as a test and wouldn’t bring up your independence at all
So many red flags here good grief NTA and RUN AWAY from him with all your might.
NTA
What should you do? Graciously accept his money, put it in a savings account, then when your pay check starts coming in dump his arse.
You could dump him straight away but this way you get the pleasure of leaving with a few hundred dollars in the bank account lol