Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/UKfBisdpwc
Thanks for all the advice in my last post. I truly appreciate it. I agree with what some had said that I should’ve just spoken up at the time. I messed up, I just froze and I guess stupidly thought it would all magically go away. I’ve considered a lot of the comments and their suggestions. So my MIL’s necklace is a quite a handful on its own, adding that to my grandma’s necklace would leave no breathing room for my neck, it would take away from my bridal dress. But the most important suggestion was the one I’d been avoiding which was to talk to her directly.
I stopped by her place yesterday after doing some shopping. I went by myself. I brought up the issue, and thanked her again for her gift. I told her I’m sorry I delayed this but I had my heart set on wearing my late grandma’s necklace for the main wedding event. She asked to see it, I showed her the pictures of how it looked on me with my bridal dress, she gently said she thought the necklace she was giving had more work done, and would bring out my dress better. I said I get that but I’d always wanted to wear it, I was close to her, and this necklace was the only piece of wealth my grandma had taken with them when they had migrated when my native country had gotten independence like in the 40s. I guess she could see I was getting stressed and she said it was fine, I can wear hers at the reception (the valima), but at the main wedding event (the rukhsati, which has essentially everyone we know invited), we could do a gifting event on the stage where she could give me the entire set and all other gifts they’ve gotten me, with pictures taken of all of it. I said that would work out great.
I hope she didn’t take it the wrong way and it didn’t sound like she did at least. I’m glad I cleared it because this had been at the back of my mind, along with all the other wedding stress, so at least its one less thing to worry about. Thank you for the help .
Original post to be [found here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1prlfry/wibta_if_i_wore_my_late_grandmas_necklace_at_my/)
I’m glad it worked out in a way that you are comfortable with and it sounds like she was concerned about your perspective too so that’s a big positive in your new MIL/DIL relationship.
Awesome! I was thinking about this and am glad that there was a compromise.
Maybe send her a thoughtful gift or a note that again tells her how important she is, how excited you are to be part of their family, how much you appreciated her thoughtful compromise suggestion, etc. Spread some honey so things continue to be smooth.
She came up with a good compromise.
Congratulations!
Wow!
Well done!
I’m glad this worked out OP! Now knowing the jewelry, I was one of the responses that suggested you wear both. (Yup, I’m an idiot.)
You did the right thing!!!!!
Ah, exactly what I thought it was. She wanted to show off as the generous MiL in front of everyone.
Thank you for the update! I wish you well on your wedding day and beyond. I hope I didn’t sound too harsh with my advice and I hope you always have a good relationship with your MIL. I’m glad you spoke up for yourself and hope you feel relief. Cheers!
Thank you so much!
I don’t like how she said her necklace would look better than your grandma’s. And the fact that you had to justify to her your reasons for preferring your grandma’s necklace.
(And the fact that fiance also tried to guilt you to go with his mom’s necklace over your grandma’s. Something to watch out for for the future. You are his wife now. He should be your number 1 cheerleader. Not his mom’s)
But I’m glad your future MIL gave in in the end. Also learn from this for future interactions with her. If something is important to you, fight for it. Be it your kids, their names, who gets to be there in the hospital when they are born and how soon you host visitors to see your newborn, where you spend your holidays etc. All issues that could potentially cause issues with in-laws, especially if you are not on the same page with your spouse.
Have a lovely wedding.
Edited.
This is a really rare thing to see an update about. Usually 99% of AITA posts is ‘i have a problem with an obvious solution, but the solution means I need to have a difficult conversation / it’ll be awkward / I don’t want to inconvenience myself or lose certain privileges that comes with the current situation’
With thousands of comments saying what the obvious solution is, and op just replying ‘yes I can see it now’ then never actually committing to doing the obvious solution.
You actually did the obvious thing which was the difficult thing to do, and came to a mature resolution.
Good on Mil for coming to a sensible solution without making this into a personal problem too