Last Christmas, me (42 divorced single mom with lower wage job) and boyfriend’s adult children pooled our limited resources and bought him (46) a gaming system, the kind where you pay a subscription to play or download games. It was $150 less, with the hard drive upgrade, than the higher end version because it couldn’t play CDs, but it was within our budget. We bought him other gifts as well. I also bought him the first 3 months of service with plans to keep paying for him.
For context: boyfriend is disabled and doesn’t work anymore. We thought he would enjoy this now that he is home all the time. (He cannot drive due to his medical condition.)
For the past year, he hasn’t taken the system out of the box. Never hooked it up. Never even tried it.
‘Ive made numerous comments encouraging him to set him up. He has refused, saying he doesn’t want the distraction or he isn’t sure if he wants it on the bedroom TV or our living room. There is always some reason to wait.
Well finally he got mad when I made another comment and said he doesn’t like it because he can’t "own" the games through this system and he wanted the version with CD games. (This is a man who constantly games on his phone, so I didn’t know he wanted to own the games.) Then he blamed me for not asking him which one he wanted.
I am absolutely fuming and feel like he is being unreasonable and ungrateful. He doesn’t get disability income and I support him, but he wanted me to spend $500 plus games on him in one Christmas rather than the $350 me and his children spent on him?!
I am trying not to lash out at him, but I feel like he is off in fantasy land. This makes me never want to get him what I see as an expensive gift ever again. AITA for not asking him which one he wanted?
NTA and he is being incredibly ungrateful. Ask yourself if this is the kind of behavior you want to be around.
NTA. That’s a very expensive gift for him to just ignore. It would be one thing if everyone was comfortable money wise and he just didn’t want it, but you skimped and saved and he’s bringing NO income in. If he didn’t want it, he should have returned it and gotten the funds back.
I realize you said he’s disabled now, but how much of the mental and physical load is now on you versus him? Especially if he’s not bringing in disability money. Not to sound cold, but don’t let yourself be taken advantage of ok? “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm”.
Thank you. That’s kind of you to say.
INFO: Is/was he an avid gamer before this? If so was it something like PC or was it also console? Or was this you all trying to find disability friendly alternatives for what he has lost due to his disability?
He games daily on his phone. I thought this would be an upgrade. 🙁
He’s the Ahole, if he told you that nearer the time, you could have returned it and got a refund
And no doubt the money would have been handy elsewhere.
Yeah or we could have upgraded to what he wanted and I would have figured it out if I had known. I didnt realize the upgrade mattered that much to him.
NTA. I get it, you bought what was within your means.
But if he didn’t want *that* one, then he could have returned it and used that money towards the one he did want.
Instead, it’s now been a year and he refuses to touch it because it’s not the exact one he wanted when he probably wouldn’t have had money in the first place to buy himself the one he did want.
NTA. Don’t listen to the ppl who say you are. It is bare minimum to appreciate a gift when you get it. Him not saying he’d like to return it do something else is his fault. You don’t need to bend over backwards for someone that doesn’t appreciate it. I would pick it up, return it and given him the money and just say respectfully that you want him to make a list next time or you won’t be buying him anything.
NTA
Wow, could someone who is being completely taken care of by their significant other, without contributing a dime, be any MORE ungrateful?!
Ditch the leech.
Look in the mirror, you deserve better. Find someone that will contribute, or better yet, someone that will be happy to take care of you.
Best of Luck!
NTA. I think you have every right to be upset. You spent a good chunk of money on this. It’s not like it was a $20 gift he never touched, doesn’t like, and you can regift to someone else or donate without much loss. If he didn’t want it, he should’ve said something a year ago so you could’ve returned it and bought him something else. He’s being childish. The games are the exact same. And, actually, it saves a lot of clutter to not have gaming discs sitting around, and if you lose one, you’re SOL. He could have told you last year and paid the difference himself to get the other version he wanted.
NTA
That’s like a super combo of TA moves on his part. I can only suppose he makes you happy most of the rest of the time…
Why does he not get disability income?
He has been rejected twice. I am helping reapply.