Hey there, ive posted a couple times but this time its about family. I (26m) am just tired with my parents as Ive tried to keep the traditions to even do holidays anymore. My parents (56f and 59m) have just given up on doing any holidays at all No Halloween, No Thanksgiving (my favorite Holiday) and especially No Christmas. I live with them due to certain personal conditions i dont wanna mention but i am trying to leave. But as Ive lived with them the past 8 years, Ive been trying to keep the spirits of thr holidays alive by trying to get them to participate because to me it means everything to me, my family isnt perfect but these last few years its fractured a bit to unrelated reasons i wont discuss.
This year i tried to make it a point to bring as much holiday cheer as I could but I could barely manage to get them to sit at a table for thanksgiving let alone even hand out candy for Halloween. For December i wanted to try and kick it up to 11 for Christmas to bring back some cheer. But due to unfortunate events ive been either Bed ridden sick for weeks or packed from morning to night with nothing but Traveling work from my job where i couldnt even get a spare thought to go get gifts for everyone.
Now that I have a few days left to christmas I wanted to try and get the Decorations down and still celebrate christmas. When i told my parents they both did nothing but try to discourage me from even doing anything for christmas cause 1.I still work christmas so i wouldnt be able to enjoy the entire thing and 2. They were leaving to some other family party that i wouldnt even be able to attend cause of work. At one point they called me childish and throwing a tantrum for wanting this. I stormed out and slept at my sisters house who gave me a hand after that.
at this point while christmas shopping I dont even have to energy to try and pick out really thoughful gifts anymore like I do every year. If they dont want the joy of christmas or even appreciate my attempts i guess they i shouldnt put effort into the gifts either? Would i be the asshole if I just got everyone gifts cards?
TLDR: parents and other family members dont want to celebrate holidays anymore. When I tried to go all put for christmas this year I was cockblocked by sickness and work till this week. My parents are still pushing for not doing anything for christmas anymore and tell me i should stop. Would I be an asshole if I just got them gift cards as a Low effort gift?
INFO: Why are you making any effort at all when they have told you they don’t want to celebrate? Do something nice for yourself instead and save what you’d spend on them to move out.
Mainly cause i know they got me gifts anyway. Like i guess the gift giving part of christmas is all is important to them. I feel like id just be an asshole I didnt get them atleast something In response to their gift. Plus the guilt of not getting anything feels kinda too heavy for me.
personal conditions, frac5ured a bit, unfortunate events, yet you share no details so hard to assess your actual situation.
imo. why are you buying anything? they obviously don’t care
Bring a card and a banana bread !
Not an AH for giving them gift cards but kinda YTA for trying to force them to celebrate holidays. It seems a little over the top to make then give out candy at Halloween or make them sit for a big meal at Thanksgiving, especially if its not realistic anymore for them to do so.
Usually there is a reason people want to change the way they celebrate, forcing it back wont work. Your only adding more stress to yourself forcing it.
NTA. Though are you even bothering with gift cards if they don’t want to celebrate Christmas? They don’t get presents if they aren’t going to participate in the holiday.
Kick it up to 11 for yourself, but you aren’t going to get that participation from your parents. You that gift card money on you.
Well they have stated they got me and my siblings presents but thats as far as they have gone. And plus I dont like the idea of getting something and giving nothing in return. Just feels like im intentionally being hurtful if its nothing
Then gift cards are just fine.
You are allowed to want to celebrate holidays. Your parents are equally allowed to not want to celebrate. Some people just aren’t into holiday celebrations and that’s ok. It doesn’t make them wrong or bad or an asshole.
Celebrations require everyone to agree to join in. If you have asked them to celebrate and gotten the feedback through their words and actions that they aren’t interested, then they aren’t interested and you need to start moving toward accepting that.
Instead of pushing this on your parents, you need to work to find a different group of people you can celebrate with. For example, your friends.
NAH regarding getting gift cards versus something else. But I think the bigger problem is that your parents can’t meet your needs and you’re not accepting that reality.
Maybe your parents are tired from still having one of their offspring living at home, and are reserving their holiday energy for possible eventual grandchildren?
Would they use the gift cards or would they be shoved in a drawer and forgotten about? They have told you not to bother about Christmas maybe you should listen to them, or buy something silly from the dollar store.