TL;DR my step mom has been reposting pictures of me and my siblings before I started my transitions (ftm) and I want her to stop. I dont mind her keeping the originals up, but her reposting them is bringing up a lot of negative feelings.
I (FtM) started my social transition around four years ago. it’s been going really well and i am surrounded by the most supportive people i could ask for. I havn’t had the chance to start my medical transition yet, but my social transition has been a huge sucess so far. my parents are extremely supportive and there have been very little issues, however, one of my biggest dysphoria triggers is my childhood. I was rather girly as a kid and a lot of the pictures taken of me were in dresses, makeup, and other traditionally girly things. a lot of these pictures did end up on facebook, instagram, etc which i don’t mind because you’d have to scroll through years of photos at this point to find them.
thats where the conflict comes in. my step mom has recently been reposting old photos of my siblings and i when we were kids to "reminisce". my issue with this is that i don’t want to remind people of who i used to be, the girl i used to be. it’ll often raise questions of why i transitioned and it’ll often trigger a period of time where i am misgendered or deadnamed more often. not only that, but there are people on those social media pages who only met me post transition (name, gender, hair, clothing change) who are now seeing those pictures. lastly, i have a lot of trauma from my childhood and seeing those photos is an instant trigger for those feelings. her argument to this is "those are our \[my parents\] memories too" insinuating that those experiences weren’t strictly mine and thus they have a right to repost whenever they’d like. that’s been her argument to a lot of other things too, even as we were decorating our exmas tree i didnt want to put up an ornament that said my deadname or one that said "little princess" and her argument was the same.
WIBTA if i asked her to take them down (the reposted photos) or should I just let her keep them up since "they are her memories" as well?
I worry I might BTA because they are experiences my parents experienced as well and some reminiscing is good. as well, they are her social media pages and i cant control what she posts on them, especially since the original copies are already there, they’re just burried deeper down and so people dont see them immidietly when they open her page.
You’re never the asshole when you’re asking people to remove photos of you that they put online.
But try to explain to your mom why it’s so important to you.
NTA for asking her to take the photos down.
I suggest you ask once more and if she refuses to do so, then block her or limit notifications from her so that you don’t get to see those pictures again.
Don’t make it an ultimatum but make sure your step-mom understands why you want her to take them down. If it helps, write a letter to express your feelings on this topic.
i was thinking that yea, writing a letter, then she can see/hear me out without interrupting me or arguing. the issue is that i can’t just block her cuz we live in the same house still
NTA.
Your request is very reasonable. I personally think that reposting old photos of children is in poor taste if those older/adult children aren’t OK with it, for any reason. And you’re not even asking her to delete the originals.
Is it technically her legal right to do what she wants with those photos? Yes. But you would not be an asshole to ask her to stop, and I think she would be an asshole if she continued.
It’s not like you’re asking her to remove all traces of your pre-transition self. You aren’t asking her to remove photos from photo albums. Reposting old photos on social media is completely unnecessary. And it’s not just “reminiscing” — she’s sharing it with everyone who follows her on her socials. She and your father can reminisce without amplifying old photos to a larger audience.
literally, thankfully my father doesnt have a heavy social media presence (this man has posted three pictures of me my whole life so gotta love him for that), but yeah i’ve got no issue with reminiscing, just do it in the confines of what you can see not what everyone else can
Your request is such a small one — I’m so sorry that your stepmother is making it into such an issue.
I like the suggestion that another Redditer made about writing a letter. Emphasize that your discomfort is with the public nature of the posts — that you aren’t trying to force your parents to let go of their old memories of you.
I wish you the best, and I hope your stepmom will come around.
NTA regardless of reason. That’s your likeness she shouldn’t be posting without permission. Be polite and respectful and ask her to remove them. If she will not then report the pictures to whichever platform they appear on.
NTA. You would not be the asshole for asking. This is a very reasonable boundary, and it sounds like you are already approaching it thoughtfully and with compromise.
You are not asking her to erase the past or pretend your childhood didn’t happen. You are specifically asking her to stop actively resurfacing images that cause you dysphoria, trigger trauma, and lead to real-world consequences like misgendering and deadnaming. That distinction matters. Keeping old photos buried in a timeline is very different from reposting them and putting them back in front of people who either did not know you then or only know you as who you are now.
Her argument that these are “her memories too” is understandable on the surface, but it does not outweigh your right to bodily autonomy, emotional safety, and control over how your image is presented. You are the one in the photos. You are the one dealing with the fallout when those images are reintroduced. The harm is not abstract – it is immediate and ongoing for you in ways it is not for her.
It is also important to note that intent does not cancel impact. She may genuinely be reminiscing and not trying to hurt you, but once she knows that this causes you distress, continuing to repost them becomes a choice. Respecting you does not require her to give up her memories – it requires her to keep them private or shared in ways that do not actively harm you.
You are already being generous by saying she can keep the originals up and by acknowledging that parents have their own emotional relationship to a child’s past. Asking her not to repost or spotlight those images is a fair, proportional request. Setting that boundary does not make you controlling, ungrateful, or disrespectful. It makes you someone advocating for their well-being.
In short, asking is reasonable. If she refuses, that would say far more about her priorities than about whether your request was out of line.
Absolutely NTA. She should respect your wishes. If she fails to respect you, could you simply unfollow her everywhere?
NTA. Sure, they are her memories too. She can keep those memories in private as much as she wants.
I am a parent of a trans person. If she cared to, she could do one little Google search and discover the consensus that removing public photos upon request is right thing to do.
Oh wow big time NTA.
I don’t know if you’ve considered the possibility that your stepmother is doing this intentionally as a way of objecting to your transition? Any parent who cares about you would not be engaging in behaviours that are actively harmful to your mental health – especially about something as unimportant as a social media post.
Now maybe she is grieving the loss of the person she watched grow up and this is part of how she’s coping with those feelings, but that doesn’t excuse what she’s doing.
It might help to write her a letter describing exactly what happens to you when she reposts these photos. She can enjoy her memories without posting on socials about them, that’s a ridiculous reason for her to give to justify her actions.
If she continues, I suggest you start reporting the posts as she is posting images of you as an underage person online without your consent.
YWNBTA are you sure she’s really supportive? It sounds like she’s struggling. It’s not just the reposts, it’s also the Christmas tree ornaments, is that it?
I get maybe she wants to be supportive but it sounds like she isn’t really being that way. I think you need to have a conversation with her. I’m not sure where you live, but here there are organizations that help parents (who want to be supportive) but ultimately aren’t fully. Sounds like she is having a hard time letting go. It doesn’t mean your SM is automatically a bad person.
At the end of the day I hope a conversation can help.
NTA. Unbelievable. She can reminisce without reposting, and your comfort is more important than her sharing photos. She’s placing more value on internet likes than on you, a real person who she supposedly loves.
NTA, she’s not your real mother so she should obliged by your request to stop doing whatever it is she’s doing.