Background: My dad (54M) doesn’t drive because he doesn’t have a license. He had it taken away YEARS ago for tickets never resolved. My grandmother (84F)drives him everywhere. Relationship has always been superficial and slightly strained. My younger sister (28F) cut ties years ago.
Current situation: The Monday before thanksgiving, I (31F) called to make arrangements for my grandmother and dad to come visit my son and I during the holiday. Their normal visit day is Friday, but we always have my MIL Thanksgiving that day, which is why I was trying to reschedule. My grandmother refused to plan with me stating that “he will be mad either way.” I tried three different times to plan this out.
Friday rolls around and I get a call from my dad. I wasn’t sure what to expect, so I answered and he yelled at me for three straight minutes. About 1 minute in, I set my phone down and walked away because I’m a grown adult and refuse to be yelled at by anyone.
Daily, my grandmother sends me texts or calls me to tell me to call and apologize. I am refusing because I don’t feel I did anything wrong. Am I the asshole?
Edit: TLDR: They have met my son and regularly visit on Fridays unless they have something going on. The one Friday in 3 years I have something going on and try to plan around it and they refuse. Now they’re mad at me for not trying to plan something after I attempted 3 different times.
Edit 2: clarity.
Edit 3: I ended things. I cut him off.
I’m extremely confused as to what is happening here
Basically, my grandmother refuse to work with me on planning or when they were coming to visit my son. He called me yelling at me about it. I refused to listen to him and now no one is talking to me. They want me to apologize.
He being who? What was he yelling about?
He being dad. Yelling at me for not trying to plan anything.
Is he unable to plan things?
Did you have a stroke writing this? I’m so confused.
Edit: NTA
Nope. That’s my life. I am also confused by my family. Also, chasing a 3 year old around d.
NTA. Be more like your sister who has figured out that she’s worth more than being yelled at.
Don’t establish a custody type arrangement for your child with anyone without a court order as that can bite you big time later.
Your father is still stuck in his son role and lets his mommy take care of him. That’s not a good role model for your children.
We haven’t talked or seen each other in a month. I have put my foot down and said I will not be apologizing.
Die on this hill.
NTA take a step back they benefit from seeing you and your son seems like they give you no added value so why put in effort
Your father, a grown ass man, is driven around by his 84 year old mommy. It doesn’t get any more loserville than this. Why would you even want their loser vibes anywhere near you?
NTA. I don’t think your grandma is alright, though. Not sure if you can help her.
NTA. This is just entitlement. You have to apologize because they are the parent and therefore they are always right. So you have to apologize to make sure they feel secure in their little entitled fiction of being the important people in your life.
I think you should take a long. hard look at what these two bring to your life and react accordingly. No one has the right to call you just to scream at you – no one. Anyone who thinks they do is not someone I would want in my life.