ETA:
Kids live with their mother. They are with us 6 days a month. Husband also works from home and has his own dedicated office space which he will not give up. I am willing to replace oldest’s bed with a daybed should he want to continue visiting after age 18 on weekends when I’m not working. They will always be welcome here.
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My husband has biweekly Thurs-Sun visitation with his 3 kids, one of whom will turn 18 in just over a year. I have no children of my own and I have been helping him raise them and assisting financially. I make more than my husband and work my main job as well as a side job to ensure bills and his child support are paid.
I work from home for my primary job and we live in a small 3 bedroom. My job has to remain HIPAA compliant and so I am required to work in a private area of the home. The almost 18 year old has his own room here. I currently work out of my bed and my back is killing me. There is no room in our bedroom or elsewhere for a desk setup. I told my husband that when oldest turns 18 I would like to take over that room as my dedicated office. I don’t see why we would need to maintain it for him, given that he would a) be a legal adult then and b) would be empty a majority of the time anyway. I made it clear that stepson would still always be welcome in our home and if he wants to spend the night we can set up an area where he could sleep if need be, but I feel I deserve to have that space as my office after all these years of discomfort while working.
Husband is seemingly not happy about it and has lashed out by giving me the silent treatment. He is very much an avoidant and will not communicate his feelings effectively with me about it, but it is very evident to me that he resents me for this. His son currently lives full time with his mother and has a home and bedroom there. I’m not banishing him from his dad’s life – I just want to be able to claim a part of our home that will mostly be unused and now I’m feeling resentful that my husband can’t understand or support this idea. AITA for asking for this?
Why can’t you just set up your desk in the office and tell the kid you need privacy in there during your work day on Thursday and Friday. Why do you need that room 24/7?
Yes YTA
YTA, BAITW in fact
YTA
I find it very hard to believe there’s absolutely no space anywhere else in the house to improve your working setup.
Whether you *mean* to push your stepson out of his dad’s life or not is irrelevant – that’s what you’re doing.
Yes, YTA
Question: Why isn’t husband getting a second job to meet all HIS financial obligations? Why are they all on you? Why are you the one working TWO JOBS to support THREE KIDS that aren’t yours?
Question 2: If he can’t pay child support without your contributions, why isn’t he going to court to have the child support payments reduced? To match what HE can pay on his current income.
You got played. Married a hobosexual. And are now paying for it. Might be time to dip. Choose your health. And don’t jeopardize your job.
NTA.
Edit: If you choose to stay, then STOP paying your husband’s child support for him. Cut down on your financial contributions to the household and use that money to pay for office space. Stepson keeps his bedroom. You don’t lose your job and/or continue to unnecessarily suffer from AVOIDABLE health issues.
Edit 2: I hope that as he sulks, he’s also figuring out solutions to this problem that don’t involve YOU sacrificing even more for HIS children. Does he care about you at all? Or does he just see you as his mealticket?
Question: Who does the lionshare of the housework and childcare? Him or (in addition to being the breadwinner) you?
YTA. It’s your stepsons home too, and that doesn’t end when he turns 18. Although going by your attitude about it, he probably already feels unwelcome there.
I would *never* arbitrarily tell my kids hey, you’re this old now so this is no longer your home. I don’t care how old they are, my home will always be their home.
I took in my younger brothers after our mom passed. We made the spare room into their room which meant consolidating items from there into my office. They are moved out now being in college and the military, but that is still their room anytime they want to come home(as in it’s still a bedroom and has some of their stuff in it). There are other ways to create private work spaces in a home that don’t intrude on children who live there.
YTA if step hasnt graduated highschool. After high-school is when you can have this discussion.
If you take his room you should help him get a car so he can visit any time.
Why in the world are you married to this man? You’re supporting him & his three kids and he won’t even work together to find a solution to ensure you’re not in pain when working to support them? Fuck that. I also saw that you do all of the cooking and cleaning. Seriously, why the fuck do you tolerate being used?
And fyi: The solution is you turn his son’s bedroom into a combo bedroom/office. He’s only there 6 days a month. This should’ve happened a while ago.
NTA.
YTA
My step-mom did this for the exact same reason when I was 18- I am now 34. It still hurts my feelings and I didn’t visit home for 5 years because of it.
> Husband also works from home and has his own dedicated office space which he will not give up
He is giving it up. Period. It’s his kid, his orgasm, his responsibility. You need a place to work comfortably. You either get the office and he goes to where you are, or the kid crashes on the couch. End of story.
NTA.
INFO does your husband’s work also require him to have a private office?
NTA but the solution needs to be addressed differently.
You’re the breadwinner. You have two jobs and you’re financially supporting raising these kids. You get dedicated office space priority.
The issue is your husband. He needs to be the one working from the bedroom at the kitchen table or converting the son’s room to a partial office. It is not fair for him to put that burden on you especially when you are the reason why he’s able to meet his financial obligations.