My mother(59) and me(17) have been having an ongoing argument about my identity. I came out to her a few months ago as transgender (ftm) and i told her my preferred name and pronouns. She has yet to use them. I told her how much they mean to me and my mental health. I understand her lack of use in public or with extended family as she states its for my "safety" but she refuses to use them around the house. Stating things like "you \*want\* to be a man" or "you \*think\* you’re transgender". She also has been using feminine ways to describe me even after i asked her not to. I’m not in a place where i can leave her home so im still under her rules. I am not allowed to cut my hair,and must wear makeup when i leave the house. She keeps saying its for my safety and if she doesn’t care then why would she keep it a secret from " dangerous people" its seriously making me doubt my identity and self image. But im genuinely confused and don’t know what to think. So reddit,am i the asshole for calling my mom homophobic or am i just being overdramatic?
(Update) Op here! update! i do apologize for calling her homophobic and take the blame for being an asshole and throwing around accusations before fact checking that is 100% on me and i thank you all for the feedback i actually apologized to my mother on the situation. she told me that she understood where i was at but she pressured me to get my eggs preserved in case i wanted biological children which i stated many times that i do not. she also insisted that she is only doing what she is doing for my safety and that im allowed to hate her. i will be discussing a group therapy session next time i see my therapist on how to settle this dispute
NTA
Plan your escape 💖🌈
Isn’t that transphobic instead, no?
Yeah😅
NTA. She sounds conservative and is reaching to many reasons to try to suppress your identity. However, I’ve also seen much worse coming from parents. I would suggest continuing to educate your mom, share your feelings, etc. with her
NTA. Even as a woman/girl, my mom would’ve NEVER required me to wear makeup. That’s a personal choice that should be up to the individual regardless of gender. Your mom is overly controlling with the excuse of “protecting” you.
ETA: Is she homophobic or transphobic? Or both? They’re not the same.
Transphobic sorry for the misphrasing
YTA for not knowing the difference between transphobia and Homophobia.
You cannot win any ‘argument’ with a parent, if you dont educate yourself on the matters first.
I suggest giving your mom a book called Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier and letting her figure out how best to help you.
NAH, I understand your frustration but you said you are questioning your identity so how can you not expect your mom to do the same questioning?
I think you have confused the words homophobia and transphobia.